Monday 6 May 2013

Undercover Lovers #17: Cheesy Pickups

After last week, I had to do something equally as silly to counteract that negativity in the story. So here you go. It was actually super fun to write so hopefully you enjoy it as well. Later in the day I'll continue with the JuNoWriMo posts later in the day so if you're waiting for those (or if you're annoyed with me and avoiding those which I hope isn't the case) then look for them.

And speaking of JuNoWriMo, I put together a little giveaway through the accommodating admins on the site. If you sign up for JuNoWriMo you can be entered one of two homemade care packages (details found here).

She turned at the wolf whistle from the other end of the bar. She’d been hearing them all night as the room progressively got more and more drunk but this man was going to make a scene, she could feel it. Not that she could blame him. When dressing for the evening, she’d opted for tight. And it had so far had the desired effect on many patrons.

“Damn girl,” he nearly shouted over the crowd, “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” Someone beside him threw a few beer nuts at him, disappointed but Kate just smiled.

“Aw,” she teased “you’re so sweet you’re putting Hershey’s out of business.”

Taking that as an invitation, the man made his way over to her while the crowd of barflies looked on.

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d out U and I together.”

“I think there’s something wrong with my eyes because I cannot take them off you.”

A few men snickered and the bartender placed a glass of water in front of them both. “You know beautiful is my favourite colour.”

“That’s not a colour,” Kate placed the glass to her lips and sipped slowly, her eyes never leaving his.

“But it’s the colour of your eyes.” A wave of ‘ohhhh’s echoed across the counter as the interested party of drunks and bartenders, looked on.

Kate leaned forward, assessing the man before her. He was cute, nice ass, too – she’d have to remember to tell him that. Her decision was made. “I’ll show you my tan lines if you show me yours.”  The bar grew a little silent at her bold statement, looking to the man to gage is response. He was trying so hard not to smile.

Instead he tried to look smug “I’m going outside to make out, care to join me?”  He offered his arm like the gentleman he was and she took it with a saucy smile.

“I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.” And with that, they strode out of the bar leaving a crowd of very confused patrons behind.

The moment they were around the corner Kate and Rick collapsed against the brick wall, tears streaming in laughter they’d been holding for too long. “Oh that was classic.” He gasped, holding her shoulder for balance.

“That was horrible.” She laughed through it. “I can’t believe guys actually say that to girls.”

“Hey” he lightly elbowed her “sometimes girls use lines on guys.”

She scoffed “please, no girl has to use a line to pick up a guy at a bar. She just has to look at him.”

“That is so sexist of you.”

“How is that sexist? I’m just stating a fact.”

“A very sexist fact. You were using lines in there too, very risqué lines in fact.”

“I was just playing along.” She insisted.

“Yeah right.” She cocked an eyebrow waiting for an explanation. “Fine, you know what? Next time we do this for date night, I’m not going to use a line on you. You have to pick me up.” Oh, he was right in her face – and loving it.

They were nose to nose, looking at each other and facing their challenge head on. “Fine.” She bit the ‘f’ for emphasis. “Thursday?”

“It’s a date.” He pecked her lips before offering his arm once again, escorting her to their car down the street.

Working on Thursday was made more difficult by one Richard Castle constantly bothering her. That was nothing new, she’d come to welcome it on occasion, but today was particularly bad because the man was positively giddy. He knew that tonight they would be going to a local bar that they’d never been to before, order non-alcoholic drinks and sit on separate ends of the bar. Then, sometime during the night, she would attempt to use the cheesiest, most ridiculous lines to get him to go home with her. Of course he would go home with her regardless but he was just so excited to see what she would do.

Kate was less enthusiastic. She’d spent the last three days trying to figure out some good pickup lines – one that would keep Rick’s mouth shut about this whole affair. She wasn’t even sure why they’d started it in the first place. This would be their sixth date that they spent in a new bar pretending like they didn’t know each other. Admittedly it was a little fun but it was also enlightening. She hadn’t gone to a bar to find a guy in a long time. How did she do this in the first place?

“Thinking about how you’re going to woo me, detective?” He came up behind her while she signed paperwork at her desk. She was praying for a murder at this point so she had an excuse to get out of the precinct.

“No,” she growled under her breath. He’d been reminder her about their date tonight all day. She needed to get him back no matter what. “Thinking of a way to shut you up.”

He invaded her personal space as he always did, placing both hands on her desk and coming up to her ear. “I know the perfect way to shut me up.” He declared just for her. “Unfortunately you said I wasn’t allowed to touch you at the precinct. Not the way I want to.”

Damn it, she was blushing. Curse that man and his hot breath in her ear. Damn her inability to take him to a back room and ride him into oblivion. She had to get him back.

They arrived separately as they always had, him taking a seat near the end and her…nowhere to be found. He ordered a coke and waited. Two women approached asking if he was the famous novelist Richard Castle and for the first time in his life, he lied and sent them away. Tonight, he was anonymous, waiting for the love of his life to walk through the door any second now.

An hour passed before she finally appeared in the doorway with a woman he vaguely recognized as an old college friend Kate had recently reconnected with after she witnessed a murder. Okay, she was using an outside party in this one, okay. He’d play along.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye for twenty minutes while she did the same, each time turning back to her friend – Jordan? Jamie? Something with a ‘J’ – giggling and biting her lip in that sweet, saucy, irresistible way. Finally, with a push from J, Kate jumped off her barstool and shyly approached her long-term boyfriend. He prepared for the worst – or the best.

“Hi, sorry to bother you but,” she turned back to J who was smiling casually “my friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.”

“Uh,” he wasn’t not expecting that. What was he expecting? “Yeah I guess you are.”

God she was blushing, could she get any hotter? She leaned forward, gaining a little confidence. She just looked so nervous. “Good, because your eyes are bluer than the ocean and I’m lost at sea.” She giggled to herself and he just stared on. Was she actually this bad or was she acting. She’d never been the one to initiate contact on these dates; maybe she was out of practice.

“Oh really?” He paused when he realized she was staring at him rather intently. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No it’s just, you look so familiar.”

“Let me guess,” he smirked “I look just like Richard”

“My future boyfriend.” She snapped her fingers. “That’s exactly who you look like.”

“A-wha? Um…” She laughed this time, a sweet, fake flirty laugh. One he only heard when she was putting on a show.

“Look, I promise no more pickup lines if you let me buy you a drink; deal?” He could only nod. She looked at the bartender and he was instantly hers. “Whisky on the rocks please.” She tossed the poor man a wink before turning back to Rick who would later concede that she was right about her ‘look’ theory. While the bartender went to do her bidding she turned back to Rick, her nervousness back with a cute bite of her lip. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure.” He cleared his throat to dispel the squeak. “Sure.”

Again she grinned shyly. “I came over because I thought you were really cute and I think we might hit it off but I’m a little nervous.”

Well duh. “What about?”

Kate took a deep breath and he knew he was in trouble. “I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going." He wasn’t sure if there was more to her line but he couldn’t help himself. He cupped her cheeks and pulled her forward for a long hard kiss that left the entire corner of the bar in wolf whistles and cat calls. When he finally pulled away she sunk back into her stool, he eyes still closed, neck still keening toward him. She blinked her eyes open.

“So does that mean you’re going to take me home tonight?” She smirked. The entire bar waited for his response.

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to her. “You’re driving. I’m in the mood for a little payback.”

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