Wednesday 26 February 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/26/20

I’m feeling crafty this week. Knitting needles, hot glue, x-acto knives; glitter glue.

Can you imagine the autopsy of a man who was poisoned by glitter glue? I have to try it. They’d do the Y-incision and then check his stomach contents and it would all just explode with glitter. They’d bee cleaning the morgue for months. You couldn’t turn anywhere without slipping on glittery stomach acid.

Or would the stomach acid burn through the glitter?

Now I REALLY have to do this. I’ll have to make a trip to the craft store after work so I can test my theory. And then Casey and I can make…something.

You know, beyond using crafts to commit murder, I’m not actually that crafty. All my of creativity goes into finding ways to hide bodies or dissolve them in acid and not ways to DIY my home.

I’ve never been a “crafty mom” with a fancy, aesthetically pleasing home. I don’t have a bowl of lemons to add a pop of colour to the room. What a waste of lemons. Everything in my room has a purpose – and it’s not like I host very often.

The new house is still quite sparse but I’m also not in a hurry to fill it with meaningless knickknacks just because I can.

I sometimes wonder what my house would look like to strangers if they knew who I was. The forensic team charged with tearing my house apart to find evidence, analyzing every dish and towel to see if it holds some meaning or methodology.

Honestly, the only meaning behind the spoons I buy is that I could also scoop a man’s eye out with it.

I’m very crafty that way.

Now I HAVE to buy glitter glue tonight. I have to know how it ends.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 19 February 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/19/20

Surprisingly not much to report this week, dear readers.

I say surprising because it seems like there is always something going on these days.

And by these days, of course I mean the past 20 years.

I suppose I just lead an incredibly interesting life.

Or I make shit up to fill space.

This week, I have nothing to make up.

Except that I successfully faked Casey’s death and we’re going to have to lie to the dentist on our next visit.

Found a girl with her height and build, dropped some DNA around the scene and then flipped a stolen car, burned her body, and waited for the authorities to draw their own conclusions.

Casey was happy to lose a tooth. But breaking it meant paying a little extra for repairs on our visit this weekend.

It was all worth it to ensure her safety.

So now we’re free. No one chasing us, no one threatening our lives.

It’s honestly a little boring.

I need some action in my life. Something to stress me out and keep things active.

Oh wait, I remember.

Someone has my journals and thus all the proof they need to destroy our lives. I’d almost forgotten about that. Great.


I don’t even know how to begin tracking them down. Maybe I can’t. I just have to keep waiting until I’m staring down the barrel of a gun. As long as it’s pointed at me and not my family, then I’m good with that.

Look at that, I did find some shit to make up this week. It always manages to work itself out. Because it has to.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 12 February 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/12/20

Sometimes, your brain is too overwhelmed with thoughts of her husband adopting a psychotic murderer and convincing you to help fake her death so she can replace your deceased other adopted daughter that you just need a vacation.

So I spent the weekend in the mountains. Alone. Pretending I was someone else. Living out the fantasy of a enclosed-space murder mystery. Except this time, I wasn’t the murderer.

It was the strangest feeling when I was awoken with the sounds of screaming from down the hall. All the guests of the small, remote lodge rushed to see what was wrong. We found her husband bludgeoned to death on the bathroom floor.

I had this out of body experience where I wondered if I had murdered him and forgotten. Or perhaps I was sleep killing. It has never happened in my 20+ years of doing this but I’ve learned that there is always a first time for everything.

Because it really was like playing out an episode of Murder She Wrote, the roads were too dangerous for the police to get through for a few hours at least so we were all trapped in the lodge with a killer.

Two killers. But again, unless I had become so talented that even I didn’t know I was the killer, there was someone else.

Of the whole group, there was only one person I wanted to kill. Not the hysterical woman who just wouldn’t stop screaming or weeping, not the wannabe J.B. Fletcher, not the creepy desk clerk who kept staring at the body when he thought no one was watching. It was the Tom Selleck looking man who wouldn’t listen to any of the women. I could have straight up told him that I killed the man and he would have patted me on the head. It was the rough. I am actually amazed that there weren’t two dead bodies by the time the police arrived.

Which they did. Eventually. By the time they did make it up the mountain, the wife had confessed to having an affair and accidentally pushing her husband into the bathtub when he found out. Boring.

Though I guess the wannabe J.B. did a pretty good job because I wasn’t paying attention.

All that excitement and intrigue and trying desperately not to murder Tom Selleck did do the job of distracting me from my home life. And that was what I needed. A weekend away from my own murders.

It wasn’t that I needed to get away from the situation. I understand James’ motives, I am on board with helping Casey. It’s just been a long couple of months, you know? Sometimes, you brain is just too full of things, you need to get away from it all for just a moment. And that’s what this weekend was.

I was able to come back and be completely focused on saving my murdering psychopath of an adopted daughter. I think I’ve actually found a suitable body double for her. Now it’s all a matter of timing.

In the meantime, I managed to get Tom Selleck’s address while the desk clerk was doing something inappropriate around the corpse. Who says you can’t bring your vacation back to work with you?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 5 February 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/05/20

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I’d never met James. I try not to think about it too often because the answer is always “dead or in jail”. That man saved my butt, and he knows I didn’t marry him for love but he still stuck around until I figured it out.

I will never tire of talking about how much I love him.

But that wasn’t always the case. And I didn’t always trust him. And the way I made sure I could trust people was to create a dossier. Blackmail for when things inevitably went south.

I made one for James. I looked into his life, his family and friends, his whole sordid history. And I kept that file in a box along with my journals so that it was always safe from any prying eyes – including his.

I’ve never told him. He might understand but I hate even the possibility of putting doubt into his mind.

When I knew I could trust him, I burned the file. But it doesn’t erase all that research from my mind.

So why didn’t I know about Casey?

I looked into her – Casey’s mother. I knew about their relationship; I was always fine with it even if he was nervous to tell me about it. But she didn’t have a daughter. Not with anyone. I don’t know why I didn’t look more into it when he first brought her home. I mean she looks like him.

There was a thing on social media last night. A call for information across the country. About a girl who ran away from a juvenile detention centre a week’s drive from where we are. She was wanted for attempted murder

Bore a striking resemblance to Casey.

I confronted James about it after she’d gone to bed. I wanted him to tell me first. And he told me; about finding her in hiding after escaping, about realizing her potential, about claiming her as his own because he knew I would never deny her then.

He’s right. I’d forgive him anything, but keeping a girl like that secret without a personal connection would have been harder.

He didn’t expect the manhunt to extend this far and now we’re all in danger.

I have a few options now. I could kill her, hide all evidence that we ever knew her. We could go on the run. We’ve done it before; just uproot our lives again. Or we could help her escape.

Trouble with the first option is, I’m too far gone. She’s mine now and I can’t kill her even if she was never James’ to begin with. I could uproot my life if that were the only option but I would resent them both for making me do it again.

The only option is to help her. Make it official – we have all the forged documents already. But as long as they’re looking for her, she’ll never be safe. So, we make sure they stop searching.

I suppose whether I like it or not, I have a daughter to protect.

I asked him why he did it. Why he put us all at risk. Why we lost Jason.

He told me that I looked lonely. That he knew I needed someone to take care of. Someone I could share my passions with. Someone I could love again. So he picked up a stray who needed a home and we made a new family together.

I will never tire of talking about how much I love him.

But if I’m going to keep all of my loved ones safe, I need to find a body that will pass for Casey and make sure no one hurts my family again.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe