Wednesday 28 December 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/28/16

I hope everyone had a great holiday. I had a fantastic time. I endured a fifteen minute phone call with my mother, successful ignored my sister’s and my brother-in-law’s separate attempts to invade my family celebration, and managed to get the rest of the week off. I am free until the New Year and lord knows humanity needs a fresh start.

This has certainly been a crazy year.

Between Charlotte, and Heather; David Bowie, and Carrie Fisher; Donald Trump: I haven’t experienced such a roller coaster in quite a long time.

On the 23rd (Friday), I was called into Ron’s office just as I was about to leave for the weekend. Now, Ron is a friendly enough person in the office. He’s not someone you want to go for drinks with after a long, hard week but the man’s an amicable boss with only a minor death wish (as all humans in my presence have). So when he called me in for a “quick chat” I wasn’t worried. Mostly curious. I was anxious to get home and have a festive but quiet evening with my family and the sooner that started, the happier I would be.

“You’ve been working hard, despite your injury.” He said. “Take the rest of the year off.”

Why didn’t he tell me this back in February?

So in lieu of a bonus, I get paid vacation. Paid vacation that I would have taken anyway. Why do I feel like the staff is missing something? I hate that we’re not being told the whole story.

In any case, I’m off until January 2nd. I don’t know what I’ll do with all my free time. Other than the obvious: drink, kill, watch TV, rinse and repeat.

Which reminds me.

The versatility of lead pipe is astounding. Not just bludgeoning; you can ram it down your victim’s throat and force feed them arsenic; you can force them against the wall and crush their windpipe; endless opportunity for creativity. It’s been a very entertaining week.

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, I answered the door to find my sister tearing me a new one because Andrew called her parole officer looking for her. How he got anyone’s number I’ll never know. But now my sister is terrified and I want to comfort her but I didn’t let her in for Christmas. After she left, I had a lengthy discussion with her PO about the situation and she agreed to keep an eye on my sister over the holidays. I haven’t heard anything so I assume everyone is all right.

I did get a concerned call from my mother Christmas morning asking why my sister was crying over her breakfast. I assured her that everything was under control, she forgot to wish me a Merry Christmas, and then hung up. Overall, the nicest conversation I think I’ve ever had with my mother.

And then…


Andrew showed up Sunday night with a baseball bat thinking it would gain him entry into my household. James respectfully showed him the door with his fist and we haven’t heard from him since. I can only assume the worst.

Funny how that happens.

The only stressful thing to come from Christmas is that I finally had to tell Jason about his father. He was quiet the rest of the night and then Monday afternoon, he came into the kitchen where I was washing dishes and he told me that he wanted to meet his dad. I won’t refuse his request but he knows that he’s coming home with me at the end of the day. I have no way of contacting Andrew but I’ve promised Jason that next time he shows up, I’ll let him inside.

For my son.

It’s always for my son.

Or for me.

I care a lot about my well-being as well.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 21 December 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/21/16

Fucking Andrew fucking FUCK

He followed me home.

He knows where Jason is. He has access. And it’s all my fucking fault.

When my sister was sent to prison and I got custody of the kids, I became responsible for essentially renewing the restraining order. I was so distracted when Sandra passed away that I…I didn’t. I completely forgot. And now the order has lapsed and Andrew is coming after my family.

Security at work has strict instructions not to let him in the building and poor Heather got harassed on the way home yesterday so I’ve given her the day off. I actually feel so bad for her. Between Andrew and Lydia, that woman has had no breaks. And on top of that, my boss decided we didn’t need a Christmas Bonus this year. I’m going to do something nice for Heather.

Oh my god, listen to me. I want to be nice to Heather?

I blame Andrew.

It’s very easy to blame Andrew when I don’t want him in my life.

I just hate him. I hate what he’s done to my family, I hate that he wants back in. I still haven’t told Jason. He deserves to know but I just can’t bring myself to tell him. I don’t want to ruin his holiday. I’m too tired to ruin his holiday.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. The pain in my side wakes me up in the middle of the night. I am so done with this injury. I just want to be better. Now I’m tired and sore all the time. Christmas sucks.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 14 December 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/14/16

Alright, dear readers, gather ‘round; I’m gonna tell you a story.

About twenty years ago, my sister and I were both roaming the streets, looking for our next victim. We were good at staying out of each other’s way and I can admit now that my sister was way better at her job than I was – at the time. She once did it across the street from the local police station without so much as an unreliable witness. She was good; great, even. You’ve heard me say that all before.

But everything changed when she met Andrew.

He was something so trivial – like a cashier at the supermarket – that I don’t even remember exactly what he did. He was slated to be my sister’s next victim but somehow, he charmed his way out of it and instead, they started dating. He never knew how close he came but after three months of seeing them together, I was about ready to kill him.

Andrew was a sadist if ever I saw one. And more than that, my sister knew it. She knew from day one that her boyfriend would sooner or later turn on her. But she was young and impressionable and he hadn’t done anything yet. He quit his job not long after meeting her and spent his time, using up her savings and taking control of her every move.

The day she brought him home for the first time, I was floored by how manipulative and cruel he was to my sister without her realizing it. I said this then and I’ll repeat it now: I hated Andrew from the very start.

When she became pregnant, I was terrified for my sister and her baby. Andrew wasn’t happy about being “tied down” four months into their relationship and he made that perfectly clear to anyone who could see my sister’s dislocated shoulder and bruised ribs.

The only reason he didn’t die the day I found out is because my sister begged me not to and I was stupid enough to believe her. I will never make that mistake again.

Just before Sandra was born, the two of them snuck away in the middle of the night and got married. I cried. I drove for three days just to find a fresh kill zone where no one would think to look for me. They still haven’t recovered every body from that park all those years ago.

I tried to take my sister and Sandra away from Andrew; we drove to a women’s shelter so far north, I couldn’t even pronounce the name of the town. But he found her and forced himself back into our lives. And all the while, my sister stopped doing her life’s work because it meant Andrew couldn’t keep tabs on her.

She was my sister and I saw her hurting; I know that what I’m saying sounds biased and exaggerated but she’s my baby sister and no matter how I think of her now, no one is allowed to hurt her. Andrew never knew what I did but he knew that I was protective and would perpetually get in his way. We always fought over my sister like she was a doll but I don’t regret fighting for her.

Through some miracle I have never been able to recreate, my sister came to her senses after Jason was born. She divorced Andrew and got a restraining order for her and the kids which she and I updated every 5 years. He wasn’t allowed in the same neighbourhood as them. He wasn’t allowed to attend the custody hearing when my sister was arrested. He wasn’t allowed to attend Sandra’s funeral. And no one batted an eyelash. I haven’t given him a second thought in 18 years. Best of all, she went back to doing what she loved. Maybe that time away from her craft is why she grew careless and got herself caught.

I tell you this because yesterday, the man came back to my office but this time I was there. He refused to leave the building until he spoke to me so I caved and went down to meet him.

Andrew is back.

I’m not listed on the initial restraining order so he can harass me all he wants. Now that I’m no longer Jason’s legal guardian, he wants my son’s contact information. When I refused, he threatened me with physical harm and without blinking, I threatened him right back.

I saw no fear in his eyes when I threatened to make him eat his intestines and lose each of his fingers and toes while he perpetually swallowed and vomited his own tongue for several days. I saw a challenge in his eyes. He’s not the same rabid dog I could kick when he misbehaved. He thinks he can get what he wants from me. He thinks I will fear him.

I’d love to see him try.

It’ll be a nice relaxing weekend. Making Andrew pay for his hubris.

I haven’t told Jason yet. The boy has never met his father and I don’t intend to change that. James is on my side completely, but he and I disagree about one thing. I don’t want to tell my sister. He seem to think she deserves a word of warning but I don’t think she needs any more stress in her life. She’s trying – I can tell – to keep on the righteous path. But I know from experience that changing a part of your essence is not easy. I know my sister’s bad habits are discouraging but I want to see her better. Andrew will not help her.

You agree with me, don’t you?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 7 December 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/07/16

I think my sister is going back to her old ways. I don’t know for sure and part of me doesn’t want to condemn her right away but the rest of isn’t remotely surprised when I have to pick her up from a freezing back alley downtown so she doesn’t have to call her parole officer. It’s the first time since she’s been released but that doesn’t mean it’s the first time it’s happened. I knew my sister very well at the height of her criminal career, I know the signs when she’s headed down this path again. But we’re both different people than we were ten years ago – this city is different.

Alright, that sounds incredibly clich├ęd but I’m not wrong. Ten years ago, we were in an economic boom, unemployment was at an all-time high and we didn’t know it yet but we had one of the most corrupt and morally bankrupt Mayors of all time. Now temperatures are up, pricing is up, and our Mayor is a joke but at least he’s an honest one. I don’t know if this city could handle two villains prowling the streets every night.

This is what I feared when my sister said she was rejoining society. Total chaos.

To be fair, it hasn’t happened yet; and I know, I know, I should give her the benefit of the doubt. But I’ve been down this road before. I won’t walk it again. If she skips curfew again and brings me into her lies, I won’t hesitate. She’s my sister and I love her but we’re all safer with her behind bars.

Naturally, out of frustration, I took a walk after I dropped my sister off and ended up in a darker part of town. Every neighbourhood can be a bad neighbourhood with the right spin but when the city doesn’t bother to replace the streetlights when they burn out, that’s when you know you’re in trouble. They’re easy targets. Everyone on that street is looking for a victim, not a fight. They don’t expect to one from a woman walking alone. So when I do end up in the darker parts of town, I always play the part; it’s routine by now. I carry my keys in my fist, ready to strike at whoever comes too close, I have a hand in my pocket over what looks like pepper spray but it’s just perfume. And then some twenty-something white kid who thinks he’s tougher than he is comes up behind me and I start walking a little faster. So does he. I turn a corner. So does he. I turn into an alley away from prying eyes. So does he. Just as he’s about to strike, I strike first. It’s over in an instant and the statistics for gang-related deaths goes up.

This time was a little different. I followed my routine to the letter but then I started thinking about my sister and I got distracted. Suddenly I was backed into a corner with my keys in my hand and I’d lost the advantage. So I swung. And he was bleeding so I thought I’d gotten the advantage back but then I saw the damage and I just started laughing. I’d stabbed him in the eye with a key. He was screaming but there wasn’t a lot of blood. Then he was lying on the ground motionless so I grabbed the key and ran away.


The key got stuck. So I pulled. And then the eyeball came with it. Then there was a lot of blood.

The news said he died of a heart attack but they aren’t sure why his eye is missing so they’re opening an investigation.

It’s sitting in a pickle jar in my sink. I don’t know what to do with it. When I brought it home, James just started laughing and he still has no idea what to do with it. I just…there’s an eyeball in my bathroom and I have no idea what to do with it.

Should I flush it down the toilet? Sell it? Keep it as a trophy?

Any ideas, dear readers?

That’s not even the most dramatic thing that happened to me this week.

I think a figure from my past is coming back to haunt me. Someone came to my office last week, asking for me and refused to leave until my boss came down and escorted him from the building. I was still in the hospital so I got a call from Heather. She sounded frazzled and it takes a lot to frazzle that girl. There are two men who I think could do that to her and her ex-husband is still out of town arranging a new life. If that means what I think it means, I have every right to be very worried.

Pray for me.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe