Your Mid-Week Update for 10/05/16

I thought it would be casual fun to play true “horror-genre” serial killer. It’s incredibly challenging.

I went from three or four random killings a week to one staged murder in a very specific location. Because I have no patience, I caught a quickie on the way home to satisfy my baser urges. Let me tell you: having a psychopathy and specific methodology to my work is hard. I don’t understand how they do it. Acting on the urge to kill for humiliation or revenge or misplaced anger – that I understand – but the need to leave a neon sign saying “I killed her and this is why” has always baffled me.

I really don’t have the desire to psychoanalyse other criminals. Your work is your own, I’m sure you have a perfectly good explanation; I admire your work, really. It just makes no sense to me.

However, in the spirit of the holiday, I’m doing my best to keep an open mind. I’ve chosen black females in their early twenties in the downtown area who are walking alone at night.

If you fit the profile: good luck.

I use the handle of my knife to stun them and then stab once in the femoral artery (and then four more stabs for a staged-overkill). Then I cut off her left ring finger with a cigar cutter and take it home in a plastic bag.

So far the only good thing that’s come out of this is that James and I have been passing the bag back and forth, giving each other “the finger”. Everything else has been normal or more frustrating. Knowing that when I go out, I’ll have no choice but to kill a specific group in a specific way is so stifling. Unpredictability is one of my favourite things about killing – besides, you know…the killing part – I think even a month of this will be torturous.

But I am determined to foll0ow through. I was right: I need the distraction.

Sandra has called me every other hour since she was started her parole on Sunday because she wants to know about her children. She wasn’t able to attend Sandra’s funeral so she wants to visit her grave site. And Jason has refused to give her his cell number. She’s been cut off from her family and it’s now fallen on me to keep her connected. I hate this feeling. Like she’s relying on me – like she’s trusting me.

Why the fuck would she think she can trust me?

…

And I just fielded another call from my sister. If Jason wants to talk to her, he’ll do it himself. I’ve told her that a dozen times but it doesn’t seem to be registering.

I don’t know if I’ll answer her next call.

Why should I?

I’m not her keeper, I’m her sister. And if she thinks she’ll make it in this world, she needs to understand that just because we are family does not mean I have to keep bailing her out.

I won’t do it.

God, she’s been out for three days and I’m already done with her bullshit. How am I going to handle her every single day?

Pray for me.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/28/16

I spent all day yesterday with my sister. I am going to kill someone.

Again.

She told me on Saturday that she had a parole hearing on Tuesday and “could I come and vouch for her?” For reasons I still don’t understand, I said yes. So I used one of my precious personal days to drive up to the dank, poorly-lit prison at 9am. They saw her at 2pm. And then I had to sit for three hours and listen to inmates, guards, and staff – everyone who’s been with her for the last seven years – talk about how kind she is, and how helpful she is, and how she’s ready to come back into the community.

She has them all fooled; thinking she is anything but a menace to society. They don’t know my sister the way I do. They don’t know the things she’s done. She got off easy with her sentencing. 15 years is not enough. Has everyone forgotten what happened over Christmas? The problem is: I still love her.

When the board asked her family to step forward I realized I was the only one there. As much as I fear my sister, my mother hates her. I was the only one there who could speak against my sister’s release and I froze. Standing in front of those men and women just looking for an excuse to lock her away, I lied. I told them my sister made a mistake. “A momentary lapse in judgement that is now costing her precious years of her life.” I almost threw up in my mouth. The things I said…

The board agreed to grant her day-parole. She gets to spend 10 hours a day out in society “making a difference.” I ran over a woman and stabbed a witness with a pen on the way home that night. I can’t believe I lied for her.

Again.

Even from prison my baby sister still has control over me. I will not let her do that to me again. Now that she’s out, I’m going to be working double duty with all of my obligations and keeping an eye on her. No matter how much supervision the parole board provide, it will never be enough. She will find a way; she will go back to her old habits.

Remember: addiction runs in the family. We’ve all given in to it but she’s worse than I am in so many ways.  I have just been sitting at my desk all morning, thinking about what’s going to happen when my sister is released next week.

I was so looking forward to October because it’s Halloween all month long around here: horror movies, crazy parties, the smell of fresh victims in the autumn air. I love it. It puts me in a sort of…mood. I want to dress up and go on a killing spree.

Or better yet, play a proper serial killer – like the kind in books and movies. I’ve talked about the psychology of serial murder all the time. Not every killer takes a trophy or maintains a pattern. Those are the ones who get caught. But I will admit that the more dramatic ones always make for an interesting story.

That’s what I’ll do. I need to get my mind off the new terror in my life. Maybe I’ll play Zodiac for a while; try my hand at being a more theatrical killer and add some more horror to the holiday season.

I should talk to James first. Changing MOs like this will affect the whole family so I need to give him a heads up first. But I need something to distract me from the hellish day I had yesterday. This could be it.

Or maybe I’ll get a dog.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Where I Check With You, My Victims

You guys don't mind being called my victim's right? There are worse ways to go...

How are you guys doing? I feel like it's been forever since we last spoke. I hate that my posts have been getting so impersonal lately and I'm thinking it may be time to step back a little.

At the end of summer I was going into my third year of University with no job, no other commitments except for a few here and there so I thought it would be okay to start making other plans thinking that only some of them would come through.

They all came through. And I have a hard time saying 'no' to people.

So now we're in the first week of October and I have a job (yay), I'm a full-time student, and I'm currently rehearsing two musicals with another one starting in November. It's all a bit overwhelming and I'm really bad at time management.

The thing that's suffering most is my writing: my blog, my stories, the voice in my head screaming at me for release. I've let my commitment - my dream - of writing lapse and I hate it.

I don't like that I can't seem to find the time to write just for fun.

I don't like that I still have no plan of attack for tackling this mountain of work.

I don't like that I didn't get to tell you that I'm a monthly guest blogger on The Peasant's Revolt which is so awesome.

I hate that I didn't get to tell you about #VTtoRT which is one of the most amazing things to come out of this insanity.

I didn't even get to tell you about the fact that I'm going to my first ever writer's convention in May and I'm terrified and excited and I have no idea what to expect but I'm making all these plans and getting ready for total independence even if it's just for a week.

It's weird to say that I miss you guys because we don't really talk but...you're my victims. We're about as close as people can get. And for that I am so grateful. I'm thankful for every single one of you.

As for the fate of this blog...

I'm going to be making some temporary changes until I can get back on my feet a little.

I'm going to continue with the Farewell series (even though I did miss this week's) but the Forensic series is going to take a hiatus for the next two months because October and November are just too crazy to deal with dead bodies.

I've got 5 Books in the coming months that I've agreed to read so I'll be posting those reviews:

• Heirs of War by Mara Valderran
• Garden of Eden by Kate Cowan
• Homecoming by Cecelia Robert
• Magic Weaved on a Samhain Eve by VJ Chisholm
• Dead Dreams by Emma Right

Along with a few guest posts and interviews dotted here and there. Into November there will be some weeks where I'll only post once or twice and it's not because I don't love you or have anything to say. It's because I love you too much and I have so much to say that I can't bring myself to slap anymore posts together at 2am when I work at 6am and I'm rehearsing until 10pm. You guys deserve way more than that.

So, in conclusion: I'm busy, I love you, and if you have any unusual or helpful schedule/time management/stress relief advice, please share them in the comments.

Thank you, darlings.

P.S. Donations for the #VTtoRT fund are never closed. We've officially passed Koomkey's goal but if you have some pocket change that you'd be will to donate I would be so grateful.

P.P.S. I'm also looking for any authors willing to donate ebooks or print copies (international shipping) for a giveaway as a thank you for everyone's help with the #VTtoRT fund. So if you or anyone you know is will to help out in that regard please email me at vicki.trask@gmail.com