Wednesday 24 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/24/19

I apologize, dear readers, I meant to write an update last week but I was exhausted. A lot has happened since I last wrote to you. I’m not currently at my home which makes writing this update a little difficult. I’m currently in a motel far from everything I know. It’s cold and the water only sometimes works. There are four of us sharing a room and it smells like garbage. For the first time in a very long time, I’m scared.

I am on the run.

Last week – I want to say Sunday – Charlotte came back. She said she had another “assignment” for me; and this time she decided to stay for dinner. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Answering all of Jason’s questions took time and a lot of dancing around, avoiding telling Casey too much of what she didn’t need to know. It was like Jason wanted her to know. He kept alluding to that time everyone thought I was having an affair with her husband and how she used to come over all the time but suddenly stopped around the time Daniel disappeared. Some twisted revenge or spite by revealing the truth. After dinner and after Charlotte left, Casey helped me clean up dinner and she did what Jason expected: asking me all sorts of questions I just couldn’t answer about our family’s history and what exactly Charlotte was doing here. She left suspicious, I know that.

Tuesday night, Charlotte came for my answer on the assignment and I don’t know what possessed me, but I told her no. I said I wouldn’t risk it again and I wouldn’t be blackmailed into becoming an assassin. At the time it felt brave. Now I know how stupid it was.

James was working late that night so I went to bed without him. Around 1am, I get a phone call from him, telling me that Jason was at the police station and he’d been arrested. For the murder of the politician. I don’t know what Charlotte did to convince them that he did it but they used the phrase “irrefutable evidence.”

James heard over the radio that they were coming to search the house, the garage, the cars, everything. There was no time to clean, we had to get out. This was it. There was no way we would let Jason take responsibility for anything the FBI found so our only recourse was to run.

I woke Casey and told her to pack a bag, no questions. I got stuff for James and me – and a few things for Jason. Just in case. Then we loaded the car and just drove. We ditched the car at the city border, met James in a car he stole from the impound lot and kept driving.

As we drove, I remember looking in the back and hearing rustling noises. I asked James and he told me to look at the “present he picked up for me.”

Charlotte was tied up in the backseat of the minivan, just for me.

Casey stayed uncharacteristically quiet while we drove through the night and well into the next day. She didn’t help while we switched cars twice and Charlotte continued to struggle. But she didn’t run or scream for help either. She stayed silent while we booked the room and snuck everything upstairs.

And now we’re here. We’ve been in THIS motel for two days and we’ll be leaving soon.

We know what the end of this journey will be: what we hope it will be and what it will likely be are not the same at the moment. I’ve seen our faces on local news sites but it hasn’t quite reached international yet.

Casey knows everything. I answered every question she asked once we were settled in that first motel. She didn’t flinch when I shared all the gory details. She cried when I told her about Sandra and what I did to Daniel. The only question of hers I couldn’t answer was what we were going to do with Charlotte.

She’s spent most of the trip bound and gagged. I’ve let her out to pee and I’ve fed her occasionally. I’ll keep her alive until I decide what to do with her. I won’t kill her yet. Not until I find an appropriate ending for her. This woman who was a friend, and then a villain, and now a prisoner. What does she deserve for what she did? I can’t help but feel as though she can do one more useful thing for me. As soon as that’s done, then she can die.

The last I heard, Jason was in prison, vehemently denying any involvement in the assassination and otherwise saying nothing. James left money with him for a lawyer and maybe bail – we’ll find a way to get him more if he needs it.

I can’t stop thinking about how he’s alone. My parents won’t go see him, and James’ parents wanted nothing to do with us from day one. He is all by himself and I don’t know how to help him. I can’t just break him out of prison, I need to take it all back. I need it to be like none of it ever happened. Can you do that, dear readers?

I don’t know where to go from here.

Stay Safe

Wednesday 10 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/10/19

My husband is absolutely amazing. Over the weekend, we celebrated our 11th anniversary – I can’t believe it’s been 11 years with this man. He is my life. And he knows me so well. He got me a cyclist; someone who could physically fight back, is kind of pretentious, and is easy to capture when you’re bored with them. You just run them over.

We spent hours tearing his body apart – muscle is very difficult to cut through. In the end, we cut his body into five pieces, drive them out to our favourite burial ground, and then had sex on the car. Like a bunch of gross teenagers. It was very romantic. Afterwards, we went to a late night showing of Captain Marvel and fell asleep. We are getting old; and as amazing as Brie Larson was, an 11pm start is a little too late for me to sit in a dark room.

All in all, it was a really nice anniversary. I liked spending time with James just doing what we love.

I never thought I’d have to make time for my husband, I always thought it would come naturally. Just being together. Couples who have to schedule date night are spiraling towards unhappiness. But maybe it’s just a necessary reminder to check in with each other. That you’re not in this alone. Being able to talk to James about what’s been going on took a giant weight off my shoulders. I’ve missed spending time with him. I’ve missed how he makes me feel.

When we first got married, we were inseparable. Shared everything – unknown daughters born of previous one-night-stands aside. And we haven’t stopped doing that. Our alone time isn’t as frequent as it once was. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it just means that I have to stop waiting for our time to come naturally or some special event to happen. Maybe I should schedule date night. Be those losers who have to make time to check in with each other.

And maybe that means we’re on a downward spiral to unhappiness. But I would rather put some effort into our relationship than risk losing it.

I’ve already talked to him about this and he’s on the same page so, our communication skills are still strong. We just have to make sure they stay that way.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 3 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/03/19

This past week, I chose to focus on the craft and just getting through each day without worrying about things I can’t control. Jason is leaving, Casey is going back to school but she is never alone – which means I met her first friend. Not her only friend but the first of her friends that I am meeting. Maybe she only has one friend. I still know very little about this traumatized girl living in my house. I’ve been very impressed with James’ ability to connect with her. Especially know that she’s so paranoid, he’s been driving her to school when he can and she does seem to go to him minor problems or to share stories about her day. He’s how I found out about her connection to the politician I assassinated.

And I have been calling it an assassination because while my motives were not political, I believe Charlotte’s were so it still counts. Which makes it all so much worse. And I just have to let Casey continue to fear being anywhere alone because the only way to assure her that she’s safe is to tell her how I know that the killer isn’t coming after her. And that just opens a whole other can of worms.

Focusing on the craft.

For some reason, I was feeling the urge to show some extra aggression in my kills this week. No idea why. My favourite one was the man who cut me off on the freeway so I followed him home. I noticed his neighbour’s house was for sale so I broke in to make sure it was empty before I gave him a minor dose of carbon monoxide poisoning and dragged him next door. I used a crowbar and hammer to reverse the direction of all his arms and legs. Then I took a hammer to his ribs which punctured his lungs. Then I stuffed a rag down this throat so he’d be chocking on his blood as he exsanguinated to death. For good measure, I removed his eyeballs and used his own bloody fingers to draw a smiley face with them on the counter. Then I cleaned up and left; in and out in less than two hours.

I kind of feel bad that these strangers aren’t going to be able to sell their house for a long time but I did enjoy the creative freedom. It reminded me of why I do this. It’s not a job or a chore to kill people – no matter how I’ve been feeling lately. I do it because I genuinely love what I do. There can’t be any other reason. I don’t do it for fame or money so the only thing left is passion. It felt really nice to remember that.

Sometimes you just got to do something for yourself.

As Always, Dear Readers,

Stay Safe