Wednesday 25 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/25/17

I don’t have time to talk right now; I need to grab the shovel, wake up Jason, kick James off of the couch, buy groceries, rehire Heather, and deal with this raging migraine.

You know, it would be logical to write this update later when I have more time and more information to give.

But that’s less dramatic. And what’s the fun in that?

So instead I’ll let you sit with your questions and wild imagination for another week when I’ll hopefully have more time to explain just what the fuck has happened to my January.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe 

Wednesday 18 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/18/17

The thing I know you’re all wondering about – Jason – is still a work in progress but there has been progress so I haven’t quite lost hope.

He came to me Friday and asked me about Sandra’s final days. Just like that, no prompting, no warning, he just sat down beside me at the breakfast table and asked me what really happened to Sandra. I told him the truth, of course I did. I’m not going to lie to him anymore. About the big things; I’m still his mother, I can lie to him if I want to.

I was late to work but I told him about Daniel’s delusions, Sandra’s recent hobby, and that Daniel got what he deserved for what he did. I didn’t go into detail but he if asked, I would have. I told him that Sandra had urges she couldn’t control and that she knew more than she ever told either of us. Oh, I know there are things my daughter never told me. I wouldn’t expect things to be any different; but the secrets she kept from Jason were always for his protection. You may not think he needs it – especially after what’s happened – but I will keep the tradition going. He will come into his own eventually but until then, I will protect him from my world.

After we had our talk, he apologized and went back up to his room. It was over as abruptly as it had begun. He’s still processing and I don’t blame him, I just hate that it’s taking so long. He’s following his normal routine but he’s not interacting with James or I when he’s at home. It’s frustrating.

What’s more frustrating is that James hasn’t been home lately. He comes home after working erratic hours and goes straight to bed because he’s tired. I don’t doubt that he’s exhausted, I hate that he won’t talk to me about his day. Or about anything. He didn’t even come home Monday night because he thought it was easier to sleep at the station.

You, dear readers, have been my only outlet lately. James hasn’t been around for any of Jason’s struggles. I just feel alone right now. I need to be home for Jason but I can’t stand it; the isolation is killing me but I’m not killing others. I need an indoor hobby to keep my occupied. Suggestions?

Work isn’t really offering any distractions lately. Heather told me yesterday that she wants to get drinks this weekend. According to Lynda or Lydia or whatever I call her, Heather has been quiet lately and I just haven’t noticed. That’s not so unusual; Heather had her own life and own problems and drinks are a good way to vent but they’re not obligatory. We’re friends but I’m not her keeper – if she wants to talk, lord knows she will. But ever since she talked about going out, I’ve had this odd sense of dread. I think Heather’s going to quit. I don’t like this feeling. Do I-do I care about Heather?

I needed a distraction from home but more stress and worry is not what I had in mind.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 11 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/11/17

So…I want to start by saying this was not how I expected my week to go but it has been coming for a very long time. When I sat down to start writing this update, I wasn’t quite sure how to process all the things that had happened. You’re going to have to bear with me, dear readers, 2017 is off to a very unusual start.

Jason was quiet for a few days after his fight with Andrew and I wasn’t about to push him but I needed answers. Luckily I still had Andrew tied up in the laundry room. He lost three fingernails before he finally started talking to me but he eventually opened up. I was amazed he hadn’t bled out before that. I’m amazed I didn’t kill him after that.

He has a nineteen-year old daughter that he wants Jason to meet. This means he had this daughter while he was still with my sister. According to Andrew, he just wants all of his children to be together. I…I slapped him. Ha. I slapped him and I walked away. You should be so proud of my self-control. Part of me isn’t surprised that this man is such a horrible human being; and yet, I still can’t believe…my poor sister. He’s put her through enough – so I thought.

Instead, I went upstairs, poured myself a bottle of vodka and watched old episodes of Law and Order SVU. Not the most calming show but I was shaking too much to go out kill and somehow, reminding myself that there are worse people in the world was oddly comforting.

About an hour after that, I went up to check on Jason and found him sitting on the floor, fiddling with his computer system. Over the years, I’ve learned that when he’s anxious or upset, he messes with his computer.

Some people drink, some people create work to distract themselves.
I asked to join him and he invited me in. He worked in silence for a bit and then he started to talk me through his task. I hope he didn’t expect me to retain any of it because I fill out the stereotype of parents who don’t understand technology but it was so…comforting to hear my son talk about something he’s passionate about. That passion tells me that he’s going to be okay. No matter what I or anyone else in this family puts him through he will be okay.

I used to worry that Jason would never like me. We had nothing in common and his reaction to losing his mother was to shut everyone out. This twelve year old boy clung to his sister so tightly and I couldn’t reach him. Besides, I was so focused on Sandra and all of that drama. The girl whose curiosities led her to the truth – and to grow up faster than expected – got my attention more than the boy who kept quietly to himself.

When he lost his sister, I gave him his space but then I realized that it was just the two of us. Without Sandra, he had no one else and, while I will always have James, I needed Jason; the one thing I didn’t wreck.

We hung out for a few hours and then I went to make dinner.

When I say “make” I mean, go out and buy fast food. I was in no mood to cook. I knew James would be home in an hour to keep Jason away from the basement so I left him alone while I grabbed food.

I was gone for less than twenty minutes but when I came back, Jason wasn’t in his room. I didn’t think, I just dropped the food and ran downstairs.

The laundry room door was wide open. And Jason was there. He had his laundry basket on the floor and a pair of scissors in his hand. We keep a sewing kit in the laundry room. He hadn’t seen me yet but I saw the blood on the scissors and on his hands.

Andrew was dead.

I’m back.

Now I want to be clear, I wanted Andrew dead. It solved all our problems and he absolutely deserved it.

But not Jason.

When I finally got his attention, he turned to me in shock, covered in his Andrew’s blood. I froze. And then he dropped the scissors and started to cry and I found my focus.

I didn’t speak, I just led him out of that room and into the upstairs bathroom. I washed his hands, turned on the shower and closed the door – I didn’t lock it; I was very careful about that. I called James and told him it was an emergency and then I started to clean up. I got most of the blood off of the walls and the floor before James got home and he finished the rest while I checked on Jason.

When he didn’t answer my knock, I opened without hesitation. He was sitting in the shower, curled up in a ball with all his clothes still on. I cleaned him up, got him into fresh clothes, and sent him to bed. I don’t think he slept but he didn’t need to see this.

We took Jason’s bloody clothes, the scissors, the chair, and Andrew’s body, packed it into the car and drove about 45 minutes to an industrial park with very loose security. Everything got crushed or incinerated.

Three hours later, it was all over.

That was my Friday.

James went to bed and I tried so hard to stay up in case Jason needed me but I dozed off and when I woke up, he had left for work. I didn’t expect him to go but I called his manager and they confirmed that he was working the front counter. He got home right after his shift, went up to his room, then I didn’t see him for the rest of the weekend. I expected this response. As much as I wanted to sit him down and ask just what the hell happened, I knew that Jason would shut down and get closed off.

What I didn’t prepare for was Monday night when I got home from work. He stopped me in the kitchen and yelled at me – really, honestly, yelled at me. He cussed me out for his mother, his sister, his father, for keeping secrets; he blamed me for everything. Then he walked out of the house and I sat on the couch to wait for him. James got home around 10 and made me dinner, because I’d forgotten, and then went to bed.

He’s been working such long hours lately, I don’t begrudge him for needing sleep. Sometimes, I’d like the company and support.

Jason got home just after midnight, he sat on the couch beside me, and we watched Die Hard because it was the only thing on.

Yesterday, he was in his room when I got home and I suspect the same thing will happen today. I am giving him space. I will not push him. He will come to me when he’s ready. I have to believe that. The alternative is that I lose my son and I will not have that.

I’m still trying to fully understand what happened.

I know what happened but it hasn’t really sunk in yet.

Andrew is dead.

Jason is lost.

I’m screwed.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 4 January 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/04/2017

Happy New Year, dear readers. I hope you had a good holiday. I spent the last four days violently ill at home so I barely got to enjoy the new year or the time off my boss so generously gave me. I’m not even sure who I should be blaming but I killed a teenage babysitter as she passed by the house. The neighbours have two kids and we’ve known Cassandra for several years now.

Well, we knew Cassandra…

I blame the children. It’s probably Lydia; she emailed the office the other day to tell us she had a sick child at home but she’d still be coming in to work because she’s “dedicated to our work”.

Yes, I still check work emails while I’m on vacation. Yes, Lydia is an idiot. Let’s move on.

I was sick and couldn’t enjoy the new year which also meant that when Andrew came calling on Monday afternoon, I didn’t hear the doorbell and Jason answered it. I walked in to the kitchen to see Jason storming out the backdoor. I asked, in my own way, what happened ad Andrew told me that it was “family business”.

So I punched him.

With a knife.


I snapped. I hadn’t slept in two days, and I was sick and feverish. I wasn’t in a good mental state.

Long story short, Andrew’s in the basement.

James has been mildly supportive. He’s partially concerned with my health, thinks it’s hysterical, but mostly is frustrated with Andrew for putting us in this situation. I’m inclined to agree with my husband. It’s Andrew’s fault that he’s tied up in our basement.

Since the incident, Jason has been quiet. He says he doesn’t want to tell me what Andrew said because he doesn’t want me to worry.

Which of course made me worry even more. Does that kid not know me at all?

I assume the only way to get the information is to ask Andrew in my own way. Don’t worry, he won’t die, yet.

I’m just glad my son is afraid of laundry or things would get very awkward.

I wonder if James and I should invest in some sort of victim storage room. Near the house but not in the house, for obvious reasons. The amount of bleach that I’ve used on that basement floor is going to damage the property value.

The trials of contemporary murder.

In any case, Jason is upset and I’m upset that Andrew hurt my son so someone is going pay.

I wonder how long it’ll take the Johnson’s to find a new babysitter?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe