Wednesday 30 June 2021

Your Midweek Update for 06/30/21

Sometimes, murder is gross. There’s no way around it. People have lots of fluids inside their bodies and more often than not, an easy way to kill someone is by removing those gooey liquids. It’s also true that some people shit themselves when they die (pre and post mortem). It’s not a guarantee, though, despite the weird “common knowledge” that seems to have been passed around over the years.

From my observations: the muscles in the body don’t immediately relax upon death. They actually tend to spasm, which is why people have been known to kick or turn after the lights have gone out. And the processes don’t just stop one the heart or brain have stopped. If they can, they…finish what they were doing. So, if there is food still being processed, it can cause a body to fart or shit or pee as it naturally would – even after death. It also depends on how someone died. For example, if I’ve gutted them, the food processing will stop because there’s nowhere for it to go. If I’ve poisoned you, your body is working really hard to fight that off so it probably won’t have time to finish normal bodily functions.

I’m learning all kinds of things about the human body. From my years of experience and observation, and now, since doing these occasional experiments, it’s all helping me in my work. The more I know, the easier I can kill.

Technology, also has been an amazing tool. Google has come a long way since it was first launched – does anyone remember AskJeeves or am I old? Being able to write this blog without fear of being traced is also amazing. There was a bit of a learning curve when it came to Smart Phones – especially when police learned how to trace victim’s last locations – but I eventually figured that out as well. And now, people have Smart Technology for their medical needs. Which is so cool. I am so happy that the field of medicine has advanced so far that it’s helping people with chronic illness. I know people complain that there’s an app for everything (myself included. I am also an old foggy who complains about technology and “kids these days”) but some of those apps are genuinely helpful.

Anyways, this is a roundabout way of tell you that I murdered a man who had a colostomy bag by using that app.

Kind of.

So, there was this old man on the road. He was being a jackass and walking across the street as slowly as possible and when a fellow pedestrian offered to help, he nearly backhanded the man and started cussing him out in the middle of the crosswalk. Needless to say, I followed him, stuffed him in my trunk, and took him back to the murder den. I noticed he had a colostomy bag with a fancy clip on it. He ended up telling me that his daughter got him this newer product with a tracker that tells him when the bag is full and it’s time to change it. And because none of his family trust him, it also lets them know so they can go and check on him.

It was very easy to turn off the tracker but make it look like it was still active (none of y’all use Airplane Mode enough, especially on airplanes, but that’s a rant for another day). And then I just sort of…waited. I will admit, this was one of the most hands-off murders I’ve done in a while and it wasn’t my favourite, but that man had to die and this was a creative way to do it. You see, once the bag was filled – which only took a couple of hours – his waste didn’t have anywhere to go but back inside. A few hours after that and his guts have filled and are quickly filling the rest of his body. And then they come out the only hole available to them and the man dies chocking on his own shit. Which, while incredibly disgusting, felt a little like poetic justice.

I thought it best he not die inside the murder den, however. After the cleanup a few weeks ago, I was not eager for another session so instead, I loaded him into the car and dumped him on the side of the road no far from where I picked him up. Made it look like a technical malfunction and a horrible accident. And who would suspect otherwise, considering he was a crochety old man with weird technology he could barely understand. So far, I haven’t heard anything about opening an investigation into his death so it seems like the hands-off approach was the right away to go in this case.

I also think I’m becoming immune to the smell of death. After that…incident, anything smells like a bouquet of roses – even a man vomiting his own bullshit.

I don’t tend to talk about these murders because, frankly, they’re just gross, but it’s important you understand that this life isn’t all glitz and glamour. In fact, it rarely is.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe 

Wednesday 23 June 2021

Your Midweek Update for 06/23/21

Casey is slowly starting to open up and that’s all I could really want at this point. I know I can’t push her to talk about things she isn’t ready to discuss, but if she joins us for dinner everyone once in a while, I’ll count it as a win. I didn’t realize how much I missed family dinners until it was just me sitting at the table. James, obviously, joins whenever he isn’t on a night shift but he did disappear for almost a week while we were getting Casey – while his supervisor was understanding of the situation, he has some time to make up at work.

Strangely, his job as a prison security guard has been the most stable and normal thing this past year and a half (holy shit, has it nearly been a year and a half?). The three of us are fully vaccinated, by the way, I don’t know if I mentioned that. As soon as we were eligible, we went in and got shot. The sooner we did, the sooner we could return to our normal lives. And then Casey got kidnapped. And then we rescued her. And then we got our second dose. It’s been a trying few months.

But anyways, James has been the most stable of any of us this whole time. While the banks were always open, the times when we were allowed in the office kept changing. The same can be said for Casey’s school – one week she’s totally online, the next, she’s expected to be in the classroom bright and early. Now that the school year is essentially over, at least she can establish her own routine. I think that will help her gain some stability.

That’s what we all need right now: time and stability.

Prisons can’t exactly “work from home” so no matter what is going on with the rest of the world, James can count on his shifts to be the same thing day in and day out. But with a lot more hand sanitizer – for him. I’ve been informed by James and a few commenters that the majority of prisons in this country have been absolutely inhumane when it comes to handling the pandemic.

I’m not surprised and yet I’m still disappointed. I could use that to describe most of the things that have happened this year. Apparently, I need to my lower my expectations. Or… people could step the fuck up. Hmm. Continue to disappoint me or do the bare minimum of human decency.

Only one of those will get you killed.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 16 June 2021

Your Midweek Update for 06/16/21

Note to self: Murder Den’s need to be aired out more than once per month. The smell. I am used to horrible smells. I have been a serial killer for longer than I haven’t – and I was also the mother to a teenage boy. When I tell you this smell will haunt my dreams, I need you to believe me. Dried and congealed blood was in every corner of the room, bits of flesh that hadn’t been properly washed away, vomit and feces and air coolant from the unit’s leaking vent all in a metal container when the weather has been unusually hot. I think it seeped into my skin. I can still smell it. We are a family of strong stomachs but this room got all three of us.

Oh yeah, my plan to get Casey out of the house went over incredibly well. Apart from introducing her to the less-glamorous side of murder, it was actually a success. The three of us spent the entire weekend power-washing the storage unit. We got the industrial-strength bleach that we only bring out on holidays and special occasions and we cleansed that monstrosity.

For good measure, James went and killed a deer so we could excuse why we were cleaning the storage unit of so much red liquid.

And the smell.

(It was my idea but no, I don’t have to like it and yes, I understand that it’s weird to feel guilty for killing a deer but not about killing a human. We all have our standards and this is mine)

It took us the entirety of Saturday and Sunday, and most of Friday and some of Monday to get the place back in working order. At the end of it, my dumb ass had a horrible sunburn of which I couldn’t even begin to describe the pattern. So now, I have a nice, tender reminder that just because my adopted daughter has been kidnapped by her psychotic birth mother, does not mean I can let my daily duties be neglected.

Believe me: between the burn and the smell – which I swear is in my hair – I will not be forgetting this any time soon. This was not what I intended for our family bonding weekend, but it worked nonetheless. I think I got a whole smile out of Casey at one point. She was still quiet and not entirely herself, but she’s in there. I saw her. For now, I have hope. And that’s enough.

Now if you will excuse, I’m off for my third shower of the day. It’s everywhere.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Monday 14 June 2021

Book Release for The Siren Jewel by Karri Roberts


I am so excited that THE SIREN JEWEL by Karri Roberts is available now and that I get to share the news!

If you haven’t yet heard about this wonderful book, be sure to check out all the details below.

This blitz also includes a giveaway for some AWESOME prizes courtesy of Karri, & Rockstar Book Tours. So if you’d like a chance to win, check out the giveaway info below.

About The Books:

Title: THE SIREN JEWEL: Spellbound Prison Saga

Author: Karri Roberts

Pub. Date: June 14, 2021

Publisher: Wicked Tales Press

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Pages: 161

Find it:  GoodreadsAmazon

Read for FREE With A Kindle Unlimited Membership!

Discovering I was a witch was my new beginning…

being locked away for it may be my end.

Will my father’s lies cost me my life?

Imprisoned for the ultimate crime, use of forbidden magic, should earn me some respect at Spellbound Prison, but when I refuse to join the Blood Coven no amount of street cred can save me from their wrath. Their reach extends far past the inmates, possibly all the way to the Warden himself.

I don’t stand a chance alone, but trusting people is not my strong suite at the moment.

Discovering my true heritage brings dangers of its own…

My powers can no longer be contained with binding spells. I can’t control them and my enemies know more about my magic than I do.

Could the family pendant that hangs from my neck be the key to everything?

Learning to control my powers will take some getting used to.

Being imprisoned with the worst criminals in the magical community will take survival skills.

You’ll love this gripping tale full of magic, mayhem, and mermaids because Jewels’ fight for survival and the truth will keep you on the edge of your seat. 

Wednesday 9 June 2021

Your Midweek Update for 06/09/21

I am allowed to breathe. That’s what I keep reminding myself. My mind continuously runs through all the ways things could have – and could still – go wrong. What if we had been caught sneaking into that woman’s house? What if she had fought harder and won (unlikely but it still lives under the list of worst-case scenarios)? What if Casey hadn’t wanted to go? What if we were too late to save her? What if someone recognized my sister and came looking? What if the police questioned out story about her running away? What if Casey wanted to return to her mother or resented us for taking her away?

I can’t stop thinking about what COULD HAVE gone wrong but the truth is: none of that happened. We did sneak inside, we did subdue the woman, Casey was weak but came willingly, no one recognized my sister even as witnesses described her to local police. Casey does not resent us nor has anyone come around questioning our cover story.

It’s okay to take a breather after such a stressful few weeks. This is the time to return to our normal routine. Most of her teachers have been understanding of the circumstances surrounding her absence – and yet, still insist that she make up the work that she lost in time for the end of the school year. I’ve offered to help but she’s still been quiet and isolating herself. Not that I would be much help with eleventh grade math. Despite being in a math-related field I have not had to apply trigonometry in quite a few years. I’m still giving her the space she needs. We’re both here for her if and when she needs us. Admittedly, part of my desire to support her is so I can find out what exactly happened in that room. She’s been tight-lipped about the entire affair – which, again, I understand – but I can’t do anything about it until she talks to me.

You see my predicament? You know I hate to be patient. For her, I’ll try but I want it stated for the record: I’m not happy about it.

I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Or at least, I want everyone to be okay. It’s heartless, I know, which is why I’ll never tell Casey any of this but I just want to put these past few weeks behind us. Forget it ever happened. I know we can’t and I know she can’t so for now, I will be patient.

I haven’t killed anyone since we got back, either. It doesn’t feel right. I’ll get back to it eventually but for now, we’re taking a moment to regroup. I told James we need to go check out the Murder Den and clean out anything that might be decomposing in there. Ants are a nightmare, let me tell you. One piece of flesh and suddenly there’s a swarm of ants under your porch for the rest of the summer. We’re going to go down there this weekend to air it out and do some cleaning. I wonder if we should invite Casey to come along. We never invited her before but maybe this could be a way to show her that we trust her.

I know I’m pushing! I told you: I’m an impatient person. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to get her out of the house for something other than school. If anything, she needs some fresh air – or semi-fresh since in a storage container at the edge of town that normally houses dead and rotting bodies. It’s supposed to be nice this weekend. Maybe a family outing will help.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Friday 4 June 2021

Book Tour for Moonlit Nephrite by Eva Delaney and Mia Harlan

I am so excited that MOONLIT NEPHRITE by Eva Delaney & Mia Harlan is available now and that I get to share the news!

If you haven’t yet heard about this wonderful book, be sure to check out all the details below.

This blitz also includes a giveaway for some AWESOME prizes courtesy of Eva, Mia, & Rockstar Book Tours. So if you’d like a chance to win, check out the giveaway info below.

About The Books:

Title: MOONLIT NEPHRITE (Moonlit Falls #1)

Author: Eva Delaney & Mia Harlan

Pub. Date: June 3, 2021

Publisher: Eva Delaney & Mia Harlan

Formats: Paperback, eBook

Pages: 310

Find it:  GoodreadsAmazon, Kindle

Read for FREE With A Kindle Unlimited Membership!

My ex said I was a failure. I proved him wrong by opening a magical cafe. When it might get shut down, can my four fated mates help save it?

I woke up in bed with my best friend. He never wanted me, and neither did my ex. Will my other three fated mates reject me, too?

When every object in my cafe comes to life, my mates are the only ones who can help. But after a lifetime of betrayal, can I trust them to stick around?

Join Nephrite, her four hot-as-sin mates, and the quirky residents of Moonlit Falls on a magical journey filled with spelled lattes, possessed furniture, and laugh-out-loud moments.

Wednesday 2 June 2021

Your Midweek Update for 06/02/21

All right. I’ve had some sleep and my mind is marginally clearer, so I will attempt to describe the events I alluded to last week.

First of all, everyone is uninjured and Casey is home. She has been quiet and, I’ll say, ever since she came home. She goes to school, she comes home, she makes herself dinner (or grabs a plate of whatever I’ve made) and she spends the rest of the night in her room. I don’t blame her for needing time and a safe space but I feel like I can’t help her unless I actually know what’s going on in her head. I also don’t want to push her to talk about what happened so you can see the bind I’m in.

James says to let her come to us and I’ve decided to listen to my husband – just this once. When she’s ready, we’ll be ready to help her. Until then, let’s talk about what I found when we finally rescued her.

So, like I said last week, Casey’s mother did not make it. I spent so much time worried that this encounter would end with one of them dead and I was right. But Casey didn’t kill her. In fact, I’m not entirely sure she understands that her mother is dead.

With me, my sister, and my husband, we spent about a week surveilling the house. The woman’s movements were erratic and she clearly didn’t have a job that took her out of the house. In fact, she never left for more than a few minutes when she went to get the mail or pick up her groceries from the curb. But, it was during one of those excursions that we struck. It was a Sunday morning so we figured a lot of people would be asleep or, at least, inside. There had been zero activity on the block for the past hour or so. It was a risk, but our entire lives are a risk, so we took it.

The moment her back was turned, I snuck in through her unlocked door and headed straight for Casey’s room. James and my sister followed the woman up the driveway and forced her inside, locking all of us in. I know she put up a fight because James came back with nasty scratch on his cheek. I remember hearing tables clattering and class smashing, but all I was focused on was freeing my daughter.

She was right where I remember her, the same scared look on her face but instead of anger, I saw… sadness. Freeing her was the easy part, carrying her up the stairs wasn’t fun but I managed it well enough. I took her out the backdoor while my partners in crime subdued my daughter’s captor and took the surveillance equipment. I remember turning to look at their progress and saw the woman lying on the floor with blood staining her eyes and ears. She lay prone (a word which I only recently learned relates to something regrettable and not just something likely to happen) with her limbs twisted around her body. And she was staring at me – or her corpse was faced in my direction. I will never forget the red in her eyes and the way they seemed to follow me as I moved around the room.

James says it was my sister who killed her, but honestly, I don’t care who did the deed, only that it was done. What I do care about is the fact that a neighbour stepped outside with their morning coffee just as my sister was cleaning up one of the cameras. According to the news at the motel, they went to check on the woman and found her body, giving the police the description of the supposed intruder. At the time, they thought it was a robbery gone horribly wrong, but soon enough, they’ll discover what’s in the basement and start asking questions.

For the time being, my sister has gone back into hiding – not that anyone is likely to recognize her. I told you: my sister loves the shadows. She’ll be all right. The rest of us packed up and headed home, stopping frequently to makes sure Casey was staying hydrated and fed, wrapping her wrists with gas station medical supplies. She didn’t talk the whole way back and since then, she’s barely said a word.

I understand that… I don’t understand what she went through. But she’s my little girl and she’s hurting, and I just feel so helpless right now. I hope that things can improve with time.

I had to make a phone call to the local department to tell them they were right, Casey had just run off with her boyfriend but she was safe at home and there was no need to come around to check on her – I worded it less suspiciously, I promise. It appears this incident is finally going to be behind us.

More than that, we can actually move forward. No more woman stalking me, no more kidnappings or threats, no more surprise family members.

I realized I just jinxed myself but I really hope I haven’t. I want one week of peace and quiet. If not for my sake, then for Casey’s. The poor girl has been through so much in her life. Can’t we get a break?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe