Wednesday 22 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/22/17

I haven’t had a girls night – a proper girls night – since I was in my twenties. Of course, I’ve never maintained friendships very long because they either die or move on. But when I did, I enjoyed the occasional night of wine and ranting. Sometimes living the stereotype is just fun.

There was one woman, Emma, who persisted especially long. She was extremely outspoken and tended to get very touchy when she was drunk but there was something about her that I found endearing. Perhaps it was her brutal honesty but she’s one who I never – or rarely – thought about killing. That was a startling realization. Since I began my murder spree, I’m continuously looking for a new people to kill and who better than your friends when you’re in need of a boost? Another reason why my friends never last long; why would I invest in a relationship I’m seeking to end?

Heather was another rare exception wherein I imagined her death on almost a weekly basis but she wormed her way into my heart and now she’s too valuable to kill. I mention this because Heather asked me out for drinks “like old times” as if we’ve been going out forever – and that it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other. Regardless, I said yes. At this point, I am so anxious for everything to turn transition back to something normal.

On a side note, I am officially a mass murderer hunted by the local police – soon to be federal case, so my husband says. I hate being sought after because it means I need to be unreasonably careful. Not that I’ve gotten many opportunities to kill this week. It’s slowly getting noisier in my house and I can finally breathe.

Jason is starting therapy next week. I may not agree with his decision but I’ll be damned if I don’t support my son in his endeavors. Heather and I went out for drinks on Friday and it was fine. Just fine. Nothing crazy happened and no secrets were revealed. I got her caught up on work gossip, told her about the mousey new temp and encouraged her to come in to as many normal business hours as she could muster so that her  end of med leave wouldn’t be such a shock. So far she’s driven into work with me on Monday and Tuesday and I have hope for today. She’s getting better, Jason’s getting better, I’m…fine.

I know some of you have been wondering about my sister’s birthday dinner last week. I’d say it deserves its own update but I really don’t want to talk about it.

She didn’t fucking show up!

I set up this dinner, arranged it with her PO and emotionally prepared everyone in the house for any eventuality and she didn’t even show up.

“Oops. I forgot.”

She’s the one who asked for this dinner.

I can’t stand her some days – most days. I’m apparently still frustrated at something I should have already known. My sister is an extremely selfish person.

I can’t completely cut myself off from her – she’s my sister – but I can be frustrated.

So I’m frustrated.

And now I’m frustrated for the day ahead because I’ve been talking about the people in my life.

I wonder what ever happened to Emma?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 15 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/15/17

Well, Valentine’s Day was both a successful break and a total bust. I haven’t been out to kill in several weeks now and I could feel the anxiety coming on. I’ve gotten quite good at curbing my natural violent urges but that doesn’t mean I can just stop cold turkey for such a long period of time. I was getting antsy and James could see that.

How he saw it is beyond me – considering he’s barely home these days – but I’m not complaining. I’m just curious. I know that he’s working these extra hours to keep his family safe and work towards his promotion but my god, I have gone to bed without him so many times this month, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to sleep next to him. He’s got a blanket and pillow set up near the living room couch so he “doesn’t have to disturb me”. It’s frustrating.

Regardless of my feelings, James noticed that I was getting claustrophobic and offered me a very thoughtful Valentine’s gift: he babysat Heather while I went out to kill. Such a sweet gesture. However, I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with my husband on the one day we have an excuse to be romantic. But, I still accepted his gesture and went out for an evening of self-indulgence.

After last night, I may have been too desperate to make up for lost time. I think I can officially call myself a mass murderer. I’ll have to look  it up to be sure but I believe it’s just the killing of three or more people over a short period of time (an evening). At least I enjoyed myself. I got home and passed out from exhaustion but I had a good time. One happy coupe and a drunk frat boy later, and I call it a successful but frustrating Valentine’s Day.

I feel horrible, though, because James spent his romantic holiday with a slightly manic depressive murderer. Last week, I decided enough was enough and sat Heather down to talk to her about her behavior. I told her enough was enough and she needed to start moving on. I may have been harsh but I just couldn’t take it anymore. She was moaning around the house at all hours, barely speaking, or sleeping. It was too much to handle. I clearly care less about her well-being than I do my son’s so I feel no guilt or shame in physically shaking a woman out of her hysteria. She crumpled to the floor and cried for an hour before getting up, showering and sitting down at the dinner table with the rest of us. She’s been quiet but responsive and going about normal duties. She even said she’ll go back to work soon.

Except Heather is now on extended medical leave – all thanks to her very understanding supervisor – which means she is automatically off work until at least the end of the month. Of course this means I need to find a temporary secretary, a fact which I have been dreading. I always hate my temps. I hate teaching them, I hate coddling them. I’m going to bring Heather in to train her temp and I’m hoping that having a focus will help with her recovery.

That last bit of business I should tell you about is my sister. Her birthday is on tomorrow and I, in my infinite wisdom, invited her over for dinner tonight. I told her I want to celebrate everything she’s accomplished in the last few months but really I want to check in on her. Honestly, I haven’t thought about my sister in weeks – I’ve been a little busy – and have no idea what’s going on in her life and if I need to worry about her. I’m kind of hoping having her around will be a calm reprieve from the chaos of the month and a half.

Or maybe she’ll make it worse, who knows.

I’ll keep you updated.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 8 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/08/17

You know it’s too cold out when even I don’t want to go out and kill. Winter is such a tumultuous time in my line of work. On one hand, it’s too easy. People can die of exposure and fatal car accidents with little effort; on the other hand, frost bite. I like the snow and ice that accompany the bitter weather. I can use snow and ice and still complain about it to my coworkers. The cold, biting air is just a nuisance. A dangerous nuisance.

I couldn’t get my car to start yesterday and Ron said I could work from home which was nice because I hated the idea of braving that weather. However, working from home meant that I got to spend the whole day with my two maudlin serial killers.

In case you haven’t quite grasped my situation, both my son and my secretary/friend have killed someone and I have had to clean up after them. The truly tragic thing is that Heather has killed more recently than I have. Because I’ve been so busy cleaning up her mess. It’s been two weeks and she hasn’t left my house. She spent the first two days curled up on my couch not speaking, or eating, or sleeping. And then she spent a week shuffling around the house, switching between screaming and shaking, and crying and eating. I spent $200 on groceries last week because she just kept eating. And her screaming was barely coherent.  She’s officially on medical leave (courtesy of her very understanding boss) which isn’t far from the truth.

I got the full story out of her last week which is what I expected happened. Her ex-husband ran out of money, got drunk, and decided to take her back forcefully. He beat her and demanded that she quit her job so they could move. After all their years of turmoil – fighting, and leaving, and her cheating, and him cheating – she just snapped. She killed him Saturday night and sat with the body until I found her o Tuesday night. I didn’t talk about this last week but the smell was just unbearable. She was more functional at her house with a decaying dead body than she’s been at my house this past week. She’s now at a place when she’s sleeping, and eating, and showering. She talks but only for five or ten minutes at a time and then she’ll start crying or yelling about “her”. Not me or Heather. This mysterious “her”. I have no idea what it’s about but at least she’s talking. We’ve been slipping her half a sleeping pill to calm her down but for the most part, she’s not dealing with what happened.

 Jason has been handling his recent indiscretion with more ease. He spent a few days processing the situation after his father died and then he went back to work and started talking to me again. And I’m keeping to my vow; no more lies. I won’t tell him everything but if he asks me a question, I will answer honestly. This weekend he asked me if I had ever done anything like he had done and I said “yes”. He then asked if I understood what he was dealing with and said “no”. And then he asked me what to do next and I told him that there were two options: he could work to move on and live with the guilt, or he could learn how to do it better next time.

He’s going to start looking for psychotherapists tomorrow.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little hurt by his decision to cope and move away from the family business. After what happened to Sandra, maybe this is for the best. I told him as much but I don’t think he really understand what happened to his sister. He knows more than he did before. He’s growing up in a way I didn’t expect.

I hope he’ll be okay.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 1 February 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/01/17

I should apologize for last week; I was genuinely in a rush and didn’t know when I would be able to give you an update so the brief breakdown was all I could provide at the time. But now I have a moment to breathe and I can catch you up on…well, everything.

To start with, I went out for drinks with Heather last Friday (or, I guess two weeks ago). My instincts were correct: she wanted to quit. I tried to talk her out of it, I really did, but she told me she would be sending in her resignation the following Monday. She gave no explanation beyond “It’s time for a change.” When she told me, I was upset. I was more than upset. I can’t quite describe the clench in my heart that made me numb on my drive home. Heather has been a constant in my life for so any years I can’t imagine what life at work would be like without her. I’d be stuck with Lydia and that is just unacceptable. Also for other, sentimental reasons which involve me feeling emotions I can’t quite describe.

Come Sunday, I was practically pacing a hole through the living room, dying to find a way to keep. Heather from leaving. Finally, I drove the half hour to her house and knocked on the door at 10pm. Surprisingly, she opened the door immediately but there was something off about her. She seemed quiet and all together rushed. I would find out later why. When she answered the door, she assured me her decision was not hasty but she would discuss it with me on Monday morning. Lo and behold, Monday morning came and Heather wasn’t at work but no email came in all day. I wanted to give her time to realise what a mistake she was making. Tuesday also came and went with no word from Heather so after work last week, I went to check on her.


I found her at home, covered in a pool of her ex-husband’s blood on her living room floor. I have never been so proud and so horrified for Heather as I have in that moment. That moment where she looked up from her crumpled position in the corner, tears staining her cheeks, eyes puffy from lack of sleep. I don’t think she’d closed her eyes since Sunday night.

Her ex-husband came back into her life a few weeks ago and was decidedly unhappy with newly found independence. His hold on her was stronger than I’ve ever seen and now he’s dead.

Like I said: proud and horrified.

She said she had to. She kept repeating that over and over again. While I cleaned up her mess, while I washed the blood off her walls, while I dragged her into the car while I grabbed my shovel. After all that, she was completely numb. I think her husband attacked her – beat her. I still don’t know how to help her. She’s been staying with me for the past week with no objection from the others. I haven’t forced her to go back to work or talk about what’s happened but it’s been a quiet, somber week in the house.

I can’t believe it’s come to this. There are three killers in my house and I’m comforting both of them.

Heather killed someone.

I don’t mean to gloss over it but I’m still coming to terms with it.

That’s been happening a lot lately. First Jason, then Heather. My worlds are colliding. I don’t like it. This is what I always wanted but not this way.

Definitely not this way.

I must attend to the numb zombies in my living room.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe