Your Mid-Week Update for 10/02/19

Even though I’m not killing anymore, there are still many uses for anonymity. For example: being able to call out shitty people at work knowing that you will never see them again. It’s been very liberating to be able to tell Karen that eating people’s yogurt and passive-aggressively bragging about your clearly privileged children is an awful way to live your life and you should die in a hole. The only sad part is that I can’t actually make her die in a hole. That would be the dream. Of course, there was a reason I hung up my kitchen knives.

I can’t remember the reason right now but it’ll come to me.

In the meantime, I’m continuing Casey’s training. She’s getting anxious about when I’ll actually let her kill and to be honest, it will be very soon. She’s a fast study, enthusiastic, and I already know she has the experience. I just want to make sure she’s completely prepared. There’s no need for her to go out in the world and learn through trial and error when I can tell her where the errors are. And with James starting his new job, it’ll be easier to keep an eye on the police.

He got the job at the detention center! I’m so happy for him. I know he’ll still get to do what he loves even if it isn’t in the same department. Plus, his coworkers are notorious gossips and love to share juicy crime rumors so we can stay on top of any suspicions. We’ll be okay.

Things are evening out. Settling down. It’s all working out. There’s just this one thing on my mind that I can’t figure out.

Why I quit murdering.

It was tearing my family apart and the police were on my trail but now…my family is back together. New but united. And we’ve moved on. The police are gone and we’re in a brand new city. I’m relatively in the clear. So why can’t I go back to doing what I do?

There were other reasons. Reasons I can’t remember right now because I’m so focused on the temptation. And it’s strong.

I know myself; I will either maintain my conviction to the ends of the earth or I will surrender in a week. I don’t know which is better for me. To give in, to continue what I’ve been doing for the majority of my life, or to stick to my new goal of teaching the next generation and using my skills elsewhere. Is it that I think I’m too old to keep killing or that what’s best for my ultimate mental health is to move on? It’s difficult to give up something that has always been a part of me.

I miss the metallic smell as I clean the blood from my fingernails. The release of flesh as my knife pierces their flesh. The sound of their pleading cries as they realize it is all futile and they will never survive.

There’s nothing quite like it. And I don’t know if I was truly prepared to give it all up.

I’m going to teach Casey and when the time comes to let her commit her first murder, that will be the true test of whether I am ready. Until then…

It’s all okay.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/25/19

This week we’re studying weapons of choice. Specifically hand held weapons. Obviously, Casey seems adept at blunt force but there are so many ways to take a life, and cross-training is essential to any successful endeavor. It’s important to be multi-talented in this economy.

Knives are always an excellent choice. Then there’s the bigger items like axes and baseball bats. Anything you can use to fix a car, you can use to bludgeon someone. Practically. Tire irons, jacks, windshield fluid, road flairs. That gets messy. I try not to deal with guns and then there’s anything heavy enough to cause damage; from statues to kitchenware.

Now, clearly I can’t train Casey how to use every single weapon at her disposal but I can teach her how and when to use them. Taking advantage of an opportunity may seem like the best time for blunt objects but those are messy and if you aren’t properly prepared, the cleanup will be worse. Knives and fine-point items are better. Low external impact but major results. When the murder is premeditated, you can plan how you want it all to go down. Want it to look like a crime of passion? Heavy objects that are commonly found in the location in which you’re committing your kill will do the trick. A failed robbery? Knives with short, messy strokes will do the trick. Murder of opportunity? Seriously, anything you would use to fix a car, and a victim driven slightly out of their comfort zone makes for a small mystery that is likely to go unsolved.

We’re working our way up to axes and baseball bats. That gets into the combat element – of which I am far from a master – and I can teach her that after she’s worked on her more easily accessible weapons. Once you do axes, then you get into ropes, torture, archery, things leading up to patterns of a serial killer. I still think we’re too early for things that close to danger.

Man, the Axe Man was amazing. Ever heard of him? Haunted New Orleans in the 20s, strange moral conviction, no one can figure out how many he actually butchered. Never caught. That’s almost the dream. I’ve ranted before about killers who have such obvious patterns that they’re begging to be caught. But I will admit, there is something inspiring about creating a cloud of fear, knowing the public will never truly be able to protect themselves from your reign of terror.

But that inspiration only lasts for so long. All reigns must come to an end. Whether they’re caught or they’re forced to stop for some other reason. The way I do it.

Did it. They didn’t even know they should be terrified every time they leave the house.

Hopefully, I can teach Casey to follow in my footsteps that way. She doesn’t have to copy me but if I can pass on that wisdom, I can create a better version of myself. That’s why we’re doing this, right? Raising children – even if they aren’t our own. So we can create a better version of ourselves.

Once can only hope.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 09/11/19

Location is essential for every part of a murder. The kill site, the secondary location, the burial or disposal site, the alibi location. Where you are is essential to your survival.

Choosing any or all of those sites is not something you can necessarily teach without impeding a killer’s style. You can’t tell someone where to kill anymore than you chose their weapon. You an only instruct on how to read the world.

Suburban areas are great for camouflage but there’s a human/witness factor that you don’t have in rural or urban areas. Rural areas are wonderful for burial sites and secondary locations but not so good for alibis. Urban areas are lousy with opportunity and anonymity but technology makes witnesses and kill sites difficult to guarantee. But if you know all that, then you can plan accordingly.

For example, we are currently living in a generally urban area so Casey and I have spent a lot of time driving and walking around, getting a lay of the land; taking note of what areas have minimal surveillance, quiet or absent neighbours, a history of violent crimes. If James was working for the police department, we’d be able to use their resources to get a more accurate profile of the area but since he has – with my support – made the decision to pursue other career paths, we have to do it the hard way.

I’m not opposed to do the hands-on method. Obviously. It’s just been a while. Technology is a wonder and hinderance. A fact I’m careful to bring up, less I sound like a “grouchy baby boomer” – though I am neither. People forget Gen Xers in the generation discussion all the time. Who decided how the generations are divided, anyways? What is the distinguishing factor that can define over a decade of people? Cause it’s not even 10 years. It’s all weird arbitrary numbers. It has been fascinating to talk to Casey, however. As a “Gen Z”, there is a language barrier that I am trying to overcome without being the lame parent who tries too hard. Or lame Aunt. I’m not her mother.

How did her mother die? James told me (I might have told you about it) but I wonder if it warrants another look. Given our little one’s penchant for secret violence. When did it start, I wonder. A killer’s origin story is incredibly important. Are there traces left behind for others to follow years from now? Or is she undetectable?

She will be when I’m done with her.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/21/19

New jobs, new house, new names. New life. Not in that order.

Like I said, starting over is really just a pile of paperwork. A few hundred bucks to change our names – though there’s still a waiting period. Meanwhile, we’ve contacted the company who sold us the house and we’re paying for a cleaning crew to get it ready to sell. They don’t think they’ll have to disclose anything to potential buyers which will help. No one wants to knowingly live in a murder house.

I’m sure there’s someone out there who does but will that person be willing to spend what we’re asking? Unlikely.

While I’ve been looking for jobs in my field, James has been contemplating a career change. He can’t exactly just jump back into being a police officer. But that’s all he’s known for the last 15-odd years. I think he should try for a job elsewhere in the criminal justice sector. He clearly loves it beyond using his position of authority to help me get away with murder. He’ll have to make that decision though. I have to worry about quitting my old job, finding a new one, and getting my “ward” enrolled in a new school with a new identity. Telling everyone she’s my ward has been a lot easier than saying she’s my husband’s daughter from a previous fling that we inherited after the woman died.

I let Casey pick out her name and we’re shopping for schools in the same area as the houses we’re looking at. Though we can register her late, I’d like to get her settled and in school as quickly as possible. High school will be difficult enough for her. But it’s hard to find a new place while we’re dealing with the old one, we may just have to find a rental and go from there.

I can’t exactly start her other education until everything has settled down – too suspicious to stroll into town and start killing strangers – so in the meantime, I’ve been giving her an oral history of serial killers and what not to do.

Here’s one I can share with all of you.

Be kind to your neighbours. It’s fairly common to hear: “oh but they were so nice, how could they be a cold-blooded murderer.” THAT is much nicer than “hello 9-1-1? My shitty neighbour has been acting suspiciously, please come arrest them.”

Neighbours, as a species, suck. There is a familial anonymity that has an intoxicating power. Being able to lie to people’s faces every day about the simplest things, and then call the authorities for the very things that were worth lying about. All from the comfort of your living room window across the street.

This might be based on one particular neighbour who definitely hated me.

I’m sorry I didn’t cut the grass, Betty, I had other things to do that weekend. At least my husband doesn’t spend more time at the office than at home.

What a cliché we are.

But that’s all behind me now.

Here’s to kind, un-nosey neighbours in a new life.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe