Monday 29 June 2015

Queen of Tomorrow Release

The Queen Has Arrived!

It's true what they say, royalty waits for no one. and so we are excited to announce that Queen of Tomorrow, the highly anticipated follow-up to Queen of Someday, is available everywhere books are sold--a full two weeks early!

Starting June 30th
Queen of Tomorrow

Sophie—now Catherine, Grand Duchess of Russia—had a tough first year at Imperial Court. Married at sixteen to Grand Duke Peter, heir to the throne, and settled in their own palace, things start to look up. As a new day dawns, Catherine thinks only of securing her future, and the future of their country, during one of the greatest political upheavals of her time. Fighting desperately against forces that try to depose the Empress Elizabeth and put the young Prince Ivan on her throne, Catherine soon finds herself in the middle of a war brewing between her beloved Prussia and her new empire. While navigating the fragile political landscape, she quickly realizes that she has only begun to discover the tangled web of deceit and infidelity woven over the lavish court of Oranienbaum Palace. When a strange and delicate alliance forms between the young couple, Catherine glimpses a future of happiness, only to see it vanish at the hands of those who still seek to end her life—and prevent her reign. Out of favor with the empress and running out of options, Catherine must sacrifice her own innocence on the altar of Russia if she is to save the nation and herself. To survive, she will have to do the unthinkable, betray those closest to her and become something greater and more dangerous than she ever imagined she could be… a queen.

"A must-read romance!" -The USA Today

"Addicting." -Goodreads

"A sequel that will surprise!" -Hit Or Miss Books


arrivalQueen of Tomorrow is a YA historical fiction based on the life of young Catherine the Great. Fans of the hit TV show REIGN will devour this scandalous glimpse into the life of one of the most dynamic women in history.


Grab your copy today!

Amazon B& iBooks

For more info on this series and for a free book club reading guide, visit the author at

Wednesday 24 June 2015

Your Midweek Update for 06/24/15

Nothing new to report, just progress – which is almost as good.

James has officially moved all his things back into the bedroom. We had a long talk about the things that were bothering us and a lot of the solution involves me cutting off communication with the Westburns. And I’m inclined to do it. I know, I know: “oh my god, you can’t let a man dictate your life, that’s so misogynist”. Well you know what? I don’t care. I love my husband and if doing something for him makes him happy, then I’m going to do it to the best of my ability. We are partners, he’s given up things for me and I’ve done the same. This is just another turn.

So we talked, we agreed to some terms, signed the peace treaty (with a long awaited kiss) and now I sleep better at night knowing that my husband isn’t suspicious every time I leave the house.


And I am leaving the house more often because I’m back to a semi-regular killing schedule. I say semi-regular because I’ve taken Sandra with me a few times now. She’s stood in the shadows, away from any line of sight, and she’s observed – she’s never touched the crime scene. One time we even walked past a taped off scene so she could see how the police handle the situation. I always wish I knew more about police procedure maybe I could convince James to have a chat with Sandra and I could sit in. It’d be very educational to know how a victim is treated from start (me) to finish (James).
I can tell she’s anxious for her next kill but I am adamant that she learn to keep her urges in check. I won’t let her turn out like me. So far she hasn’t gone against my word. I hope that’ll be enough.
Daniel, despite my best efforts to keep him at bay, still comes around every other day. He just sits outside the house and watches us for a few hours (usually in the morning when we’re eating breakfast and getting ready for the day). Now that James is on my side, I’ve made a point of kissing him goodbye where I know Daniel can see us. This “obsessively in love” was cute but it’s starting to just feel annoying.

The kids have both noticed and are starting to get concerned. Sandra even offered to scare him off and I laughed but maybe a good old fashioned planted body in the trunk will keep him from coming around too often.

I’ll think about it.

Like I said: nothing new, just progress.

I’m happy. I’m really happy. This is the most contented I’ve felt in what feels like forever. This past year has been just a struggle for everyone and I’m glad to see all the wrinkles smoothing out for once.

I’m just going to enjoy it. Nothing can ruin my mood.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Friday 19 June 2015

Interview with Katrina Monroe

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I have the incomparable Katrina Monroe here to talk about her life as a writer. Check it out:

Katrina’s short work has been published in Open Book Toronto, Shadowbox Magazine, and the YA anthology, UNLOCKED. She lives in Minnesota with her partner and two small monsters where she tries to write while avoiding snow, moose, and the occasional Canadian goose. Her first novel REAPER is expected to be released in August 2014 from Melange Books.

Let's start with the basics: tell me about your writer self.
  • What is process for sitting down to write? Coffee, movie soundtracks in the background... but that's only on days I have to myself. Those are few and far between. Mostly, it's about recognizing a free moment when I see it, pulling up the WIP, and getting to work. People always say the hardest part is getting your butt in the chair; that is so true, especially without coffee. 
  • How about editing? This changes with every book. With REAPER, I edited as I went, putting all my drafts into one. It was a short book, so it worked, but I don't reccomend it for more plot-woven stories. for SACRIFICIAL LAMB CAKE, I went through several drafts before sending to beta readers. My most recent WIP (which I've JUST finished, as in moments ago) I plan to take it one agonizing step at a time--outline the chapters, dig deep into character motivations and scene purpose--before moving on to the next phase.
  • Cover art? I leave this to the professionals. I've been lucky enough to find publishers with excellent design departments. 
  • Specifically with Sacrificial Lamb Cake: what was your process for publication? I submitted to agents first, but because of the touchy subject matter, it wasn't picked up. I then moved on to small press publishers and found a GREAT home for it with Red Adept Publishing. The owner is accessible and helpful and she's got a crack team of editors and cover designers. Over the course of prepping for publication I worked with several people, all of whom seemed truly excited about my book. It's been a fantastic experience. 
  • Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses? One horse-sized duck, if only because I want to see that thing try to run.  

Are you a Does that make you a plotter or pantser? Used to NaNo, then I realized the pressure I put on myself only stunted my goals, rather than push me to achieve them. I'm not afraid of deadlines, but I know my pace and 50k in one month is not it. As for plotting/pantsing, I do a little of both. I plot very basic bones of a story so I at least have a vague idea of where I'm going, a bit like a crudely drawn map on the back of a napkin by a drunk, but then I let my imagination take me where it wants to. The book I've just finished the first draft of started out as a comedy, now it's got a mystery edge to it. If I box myself in early, I lose interest. 

So you've published independently and traditionally, yes? Technically, but the indi published stuff is in anthologies, not full novels.

How did that go down? I was suckered into it. They had candy. 

Is there one you prefer? Why? While I like the draw of indi publishing--the control you have over your work-- I know my limits. I don't have the up front funds for a good editor or cover designer, so I rely on publishing houses to do that work for me. The more I learn about the industry, I may branch out--I'm considering a short story anthology of my own--but for now, I prefer the traditional route.  

You've said that Christopher Moore is an author who inspires you. Who or what else makes you want to write or keep writing? Mostly, it's just What I Do. I like making things up. I like imagining. I like taking a "what if" and turning it into a story. It sounds awful, but when I real something that's not exactly stellar, it motivates me to keep going. I think, I can do better than this, and I sit down to do it. 

What's next for this writer? More writing, more crying... hopefully not at the same time. 

And of course, any advice for unpublished writers? Don't stop, and don't settle. If you've got a book you want to publish, don't throw it out into the Amazon void JUST to have a book in print. There's no time limit here. Edit the shit out of it, make others edit the shit out of it, love it, kill it, and then love it again. AND THEN research your publishing options. Indi? Great. Find professionals to work with. Traditional? Great. Dig into the records of those agents and publishers you want to be the champions for your book. Once you sign that contract, you're in for quite a long haul and you don't want to torture yourself with a miserable experience. 

Wednesday 17 June 2015

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/17/15

This has been a very fun and hectic week so forgive me if I forget some things. There have been a lot of changes going on in my house and we’re all still in transition as it were.

For starters: James moved back into the bedroom and everyone knows it so Sunday morning was filled with knowing looks and little winks and nudges over the breakfast table.

We didn’t even have sex!

God, I never thought I’d be having this argument with my readers. We just cuddled like we were sixteen again, even though we were never sixteen together. I sometimes wonder if we’d still be together if we were high school sweethearts, or college lovers. I think sometimes fiction forgets that love doesn’t happen in specific locations. There isn’t just the school crush or the office romance. There’s the crazy random happenstance where you bump into them on the street and just click. I suppose in our case it wasn’t as random.

We always tell people the truth when they ask how we met – except we leave out the fact that I was guilty – and it always freaks people out. But I think people find the romance in just about anything if they try hard enough. And yes, there is intimacy and connection to be found in murder but I don’t think people understand the entire story.

Sometimes murder is a family affair. Such is the case with my daughter.

My darling daughter Sandra has been coming to me all week with questions. At first they were personal questions about how I got started, how I really met James (she now loves our story, by the way), what my methods were. Then the questions started to become a little more specific: questions about how to get bloodstains out of white shirts – there’s a trick to it – and the best ways to dispose of a body. She’s promised me that she won’t kill without talking to me but she’s definitely getting ready for something. She hasn’t told me about any urges but she’s coming to me in person instead of texting or calling – such a smart girl – so there are days when she has lists of questions she’s gathered throughout the day while I’m at work.

On Monday she actually came and visited me at work – I keep forgetting that she’s off school for the summer – we spent my lunch hour talking about murder – my favourites, my words of advice on not getting caught – and we even talked about school and her social life a bit. She admitted that she’s been a little lax in handing in assignments for the last few weeks because she’s been so distracted and her friends are starting to worry about her but now that she has someone to talk to, she thinks that she’ll get better.

I certainly hope so, creating that outside persona is not something I can teach her, she has to learn that part on her own – sometimes the hard way.

Did I ever tell you about the first guy I ever told?

I met him in my first year of university; there was some weird technicality and I lost my spot in res which meant that I had to either move back home or find someone to move in with. I wasn’t really determined to drive for three hours every day so I met a guy at a party, got him really drunk, and convinced him to sign me into his lease. There was a lot of yelling afterwards but eventually he was okay with it. In fact, we kind of started dating. This was back in the days when I was still learning the ropes of murder – one or two victims a month sort of thing – and so of course I slipped up and didn’t completely clean the blood off of our kitchen knife. I thought I could trust him, so I told him the truth. He freaked out and ran to find a phone to call the police. So I used the knife to shut him up. And that’s how I got a great apartment during my time at university at a discounted rate – landlords can be very understanding when you play the grieving, emotional girlfriend.

After that, there was no one serious until James. I knew that trusting a man completely would be difficult so I just didn’t take the relationship further than a few months.

At least I’ve never – seriously – considered murdering James. That’s real love. That’s real trust.
I hope that someday Sandra finds someone she can really trust. It will do her a world of good to feel like she’s not alone. Until then – and I’ve told her this – her social life is going to become a delicate balancing act between the person she is and the person she wants people to think she is.

If she’s going to indulge in her urges then she needs to deal with the consequences. She won’t really understand that until she has to face those consequences but for now I think she realizes that she chose the hard path. But it’ll be rewarding in the long run if it helps with her inner peace.

For me, I think this will be my chance to make up for the mistakes that I’ve made. I’ll make sure that she doesn’t become addicted the way I did. She won’t ever have to deal with what I went through last summer, I won’t let her.

This is my chance – this is my family’s chance – to really bond and become a closer.

I know that I was worried about Sandra, I’m still worried, but now that she’s here, I’m not going to miss this opportunity.

We’re going to be great.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Friday 12 June 2015

Review of Pathogen: Patient Zero by Kai Kiriyama

A local author in my community (and a friend of mine), Kai Kiriyama recently released Pathogen: Patient Zero and so, of course, I got my hands on a copy to review for you. Check it out:

Pathogen: Patient Zero

Every outbreak starts somewhere…

Pathogen: Patient Zero

A young girl, hospitalized with a violent strain of the flu.
A charismatic doctor who promises that she’s going to be okay.
A nightmare virus that threatens to destroy them both.
Reduced to the title of ‘Zero’, she is dehumanized by her doctors into little more than a series of charts and procedures. Zero is left to her own devices, telling her story through a haze of drugs, slipping in and out of consciousness and trying to find some kind of inner peace as
the doctors around her hustle to find a cure.

PATHOGEN: PATIENT ZERO is a harrowing medical drama, told from the perspective of a girl dying from a mystery illness.

Wednesday 10 June 2015

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/10/15

I have either done a great thing or an absolutely catastrophic thing. I don’t know what I was thinking. The risks far outweighed the rewards in this matter and there was absolutely no reason to do it now, of all times.

Desperate times?

That’s the only explanation I have for why, on Friday night, I sat down with my daughter while the boys were out of the house, and told her the entire truth. Specifically, I told her all about my double life.

I confirmed that I was, in fact, a serial killer but that it was much worse than she had initially imagined. I confirmed that her homicidal urges were genetic and that I didn’t want her to end up like me because it was too hard of a life to lead.

At the time, telling Sandra seemed like the right thing to do and while I regret telling her and exposing myself, I think that she might have needed to hear it. On Wednesday night, I was doing laundry and I found a bloodied shirt in the washer – one that wasn’t mine. It took me a few hours to work up the courage to go and talk to Sandra so it was about 1am when I knocked on her door, hoping that she was awake. Of course she was because she’s 18 and they don’t sleep.

I showed her the shirt and she broke down.

Sandra’s murdered someone. A stranger she found on the street on her way home from school yesterday. My very first instinct was to protect her. She walked me through the entire event – she was taking a drive to clear her head in a neighbourhood she wasn’t familiar with in an area of the city that she never goes to, she saw a random stranger and then she saw red. She beat his head into a lamppost on an empty street when he tried to hit on her. No one was around and the area she was in wasn’t known for its high security. She may well be safe. So, of course, my next instinct was to slap her upside the head and ask what the hell she was thinking. Of course I knew I had no right to ask that. She takes after me in so many ways, and I kill without qualms, I shouldn’t be putting restrictions on her.

But I never wanted either of my kids to become killers. I wanted it to end with me.

She liked it. She enjoyed killing that man. Part of me is so proud and the other is terrified. I won’t be able to keep her safe if she keeps doing this and there’s no way she’ll be careful if she doesn’t know how to do it.

I’ll have to teach her.

That’s why I told her the truth about me, hoping that she would trust me enough to let me help if she knew that I’d been through this, just like her.

It was still stupid and risky but if it helps Sandra trust me, maybe it was worth it.

She was quiet for a long time after I told her. Then she hugged me, thanked me, and promised to come to me if she had questions. We haven’t spoken about it since. She hasn’t avoided me at all, she’s just kept the conversation safe. I don’t blame her, Jason is still so oblivious to the changing family dynamic in the house. The last thing he needs is to find out that he lives with killers.

My daughter is a murderer. Never thought I would say those words but just looking at them fills me with…a mountain of emotions that I have no idea how to deal with. So I have a new focus: teach my daughter everything I know about killing and maiming without getting caught. This is a new leaf for us, a chance to make some serious changes and to be better.

I told James about Sandra over the weekend and I swear, it was the first time he’s actually looked me in the eyes since all of this began. If there’s anything that will make a man forget his anger, it’s the thought of his daughter in danger.

Hopefully she’ll come to me next time she has her urges but other than that…all I can do is be prepared to protect my daughter no matter what happens next.

I think things are finally looking up.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Monday 8 June 2015

JuNoWriMo 2015

In honor of JuNoWriMo, I have the fabulous Becca Campbell here to talk about her writing life.

1.       Before we get started with you, tell me about JuNoWriMo. What do you tell people who've never heard of it before?

JuNoWriMo is a challenge for writers (and wanna-be writers) to pen 50,000 words in 30 days – approximately an entire novel. But really, we’re just a fun group of people who love writing and want to help you make the most of your own writing adventure.

2.       Now, let's begin with the basics: tell me about your writer self.
1.       What is your process for plotting or pantsing?

I would call myself a very flexible and open-minded planner.

With my collected ideas for story arc, characters, and possible scenes, I start prewriting. I’m a pretty organized person, so I typically create an outline that’s a full chapter-by-chapter long synopsis, listing each scene before I begin writing. I sometimes even break the climax of the book down to six individual points. I write descriptions for my main five to ten characters, research personality types, and browse photos for ideas of people or scenes.

This helps me tremendously. Detailing all this doesn’t make it law though, it just gives me somewhere to begin. I always have to change things as I go, sometimes adding or deleting full chapters. It’s important for me to be flexible.

2.       How do you go about writing your book?

When I have as much as possible laid out ahead of time, I write the first draft furiously and without looking back (often in a month by way of
NaNoWriMo or JuNoWriMo). When the first draft is finished, I let it sit anywhere from six weeks to two years before I look at again. That way when I revisit the story, it’s fresh and my eyes are more objective.

I typically write chronologically as the book unfolds, but sometimes I go in and add scenes later. The exception is on the first scene—for whatever reason, I rarely start writing with the very first scene in the book. It’s much easier to write after I’ve completed Chapter 2 or 3 or 4.

3.       What is your absolute favourite genre (for reading or writing)?

I like a lot of genres, so I’ll say speculative fiction, which covers about anything that involves fantastical, science fiction, or other-worldy, though I most like stories that combine a real-world setting with these types of speculative elements.

4.       If you could have any super power what would it be?

That’s a really difficult question, but I’m going to say teleportation because it would make traveling a lot cheaper and easier.

5.       Fellow coffee and chocolate lover: do you think that snacking helps your writing process?

Not necessarily, though it’s a good motivator if I use it as a reward. I don’t work well when I’m hungry, but things with sugar hinder my process and my brain in general. I went off refined sugars & corn syrups completely over a year ago, and now I don’t get that brain fuzz like I used to.

I do think that I associate coffee with writing, so in a way there’s a sort of Pavlovian connection for me there. Too bad I try to stick to just one cup of caffeine per day. I might be more productive if I drank it more.

6.       Editing: walk me through your process.

When the first draft has had time to ferment (time away from my eyes), I do a full read-through, either with a hard copy or on my Kindle. I take plenty of notes, but I can’t work in the actual document because I will get too tempted to start fixing things before I’ve given it a full read through. I mark up anything I see, focusing mostly on big, overall plot points.

After that, I fix all the major things, mark the lingering issues I’m undecided on, and send it off to one of my beta readers. The beta gives me feedback, I revise and revamp, and I send it off to someone else, picking up smaller line edits as I go. I may repeat this phase anywhere from two to five times, depending on the quality of the story at that point.

Eventually when I feel it’s ready, I send the final draft to my editor. Then I make the final changes and do one last proofread. After all of that it’s finally ready to go.

7.       How has your writing process changed from when you first started?

It’s changed a lot. When I didn’t know any better I didn’t plan ahead, and that was a lot more difficult. I’d end up with pieces of a plot that didn’t quite fit together at the end and required a lot of editing. My first book went through twelve revisions before it was finally ready to be published. That was a long, slow process. Now I’ve learned so much more about writing, and about myself, so I’ve found a planning technique that helps me avoid a lot of those headaches. I’m still refining the process, but the more I write the easier it gets.

8.       Did you ever consider traditional publishing or was it always self, for you?

I queried a handful of agents in the beginning, but eventually I watched friends self publish and learned more about it. I decided I liked having more control of the project and that I trusted readers to decide whether they liked my stuff more than agents. The bonus is that I get to keep all my royalties. I haven’t regretted the decision once.

9.       What is your latest project?

I recently published
Outsider (Flawed #2), and I’m working on the next two books in the series (along with a short story companion). The more I explore the world of my Flawed series, the more I discover new stories waiting to be told, so I may hang out here for a while. I tend to publish a short piece of fiction between each of the longer works to whet your appetite and make it easier to wait for the next installment.

10.   And of course: any advice for unpublished writers?

A) Write as much as you possibly can.
B) Find other experienced, talented authors to mentor you.
C) Accept critiques and feedback humbly, and use them for the powerful tools they are, to help make your story better.

An avid lover of stories that tiptoe the line between fantasy and reality, Becca J. Campbell looks for new angles on bridging the gap between the two. She holds a special place in her heart for any story that involves superpowers or time travel. Her passion is defying the limits of her own creativity.

Becca's journey into writing began as many of her other creative endeavors do - by daring herself to try something new. The question "what if I wrote a novel?" and some hastily scribbled notes on a church handout were the inspirations that jump-started her first book. Since then she has written half a dozen additional novels and several shorter works.

Find me online: Author Blog | Twitter Facebook Pinterest Goodreads Amazon Author Page

Friday 5 June 2015

Wonderlust Cover Reveal

Wonderlust-Twitter (1).png

By B.L.Wilde


Cover designer: Laurynne Gouws
Genre: Erotic Romance
Expected release date; 1st August


Natasha White has always been unlucky in love. The men she falls for only want one thing from her, and it isn’t commitment. When her boss and on/off fling announces his engagement to another woman, she finds herself running from her feelings for him by taking a job as a personal assistant to the legendary rock god, Alex Harbour—half a world away.
Her new boss is sexy, damaged, and insatiable, but Natasha has been a fan since she was a young girl. Conflicted by her emotions, she begins a love/hate relationship with the egotistical rock star.
Alex’s intentions toward her are clear from the moment they meet, but Natasha isn’t about to run from one emotionless connection to another. She is determined to keep her distance from her childhood crush, by any means necessary.
When lust begins to cloud her mind, however, she becomes hell bent on protecting her heart. What good could ever come out of falling for a rock star, anyway?


Claire and I took the lift to the top floor of the hotel.  I’d never been in the penthouse suites of the Dorchester in London before. I was hoping I could take a look around at some point.
“So the second round of interviews is in the penthouse?” I mused, following her as the elevator doors pinged open.
“It’s for security purposes. The press will be arriving later today, so we’ll need the space. It gets a little crazy.” I quickly followed her as she opened the grand, double doors in front of us. “You can wait here. Help yourself to anything you’d like.” She gestured toward the corner of the room where tea, coffee, and delicate pastries were on display.  With a quick glance at me, she left me alone in the room.
It intrigued me that I was the first woman to make it to the second interview. From talking to Gina, I’d gathered this PA job was for a man. Now my mind was racing, wondering who it could be. I walked over to the corner of the room to pour myself a cup of coffee while I pondered that thought. Maybe it was a new and upcoming artist. It would be exciting to witness everything first hand.
I heard a door open and close behind me a few moments later. Did another woman make it through to the second stage already? I hadn’t even been upstairs for ten minutes.
I turned, almost dropping my coffee at the sight of the person in front of me. Alex Harbour was across the room, frowning at me. The teenager inside me took charge, and I stood there drinking him in. Christ, the man was sexy! He was a walking orgasm. Clearly, it wasn’t photoshop that made him look good, either. He was seriously just that hot! His jeans hung low off his hips, and I tried to stop my eyes from lingering on his huge bulge. I’m not sure I completely succeeded, though. His legendary white V neck T-shirt clung to his well defined torso, and revealed part of the crucifix tattoo on his upper chest. Most of the skin on his arms was covered, but I knew every detail about his tattoos, anyway. They were forever embedded in my memory. His light brown hair was much shorter but still unruly, and as he drew closer toward me, his piercing, clear blue eyes began to make my heart race.
Shit! Was this job to be his PA? I couldn’t do that! I was on the verge of an orgasm just looking at him!
“How did you get in here?” he finally asked, tilting his head while giving me a panty ruining smirk.
“I…I…” Jesus, why couldn’t I speak? My mind was in a haze, thinking back to my earlier years when this man and his voice meant everything to me.
“You shouldn’t really be in here, Gorgeous. We’ll need to make this quick,” he tutted. I frowned, trying to snap out of the ridiculous daze I was in. I didn’t even register what he meant until he began to undo the belt on his jeans. “Start stripping. I don’t have time to take your clothes off, too. We only have a few minutes at the most.” What? Was he for real? “Gorgeous, clothes…now. I literally have five minutes before Gina arrives. If you want a piece if this, you’ll need to move fast.”
“Excuse me?” I spat, finally coming out of my daydream. Alex’s eyes widened at my outburst. It didn’t matter that he was sexy as hell. This man was clearly a complete asshole. “You think I’m going to have sex with you?”
“Isn’t that what you groupies sneak up here for? Who let you in? Was it Steve? He knows my type well. You’re really cute.” A groupie! Anger raced through my veins. Oh, this dickhead was going down.

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Goodreads TBR link:

About the Author:
B.L. Wilde is a British author obsessed with many things, including heated love stories and sexy men.
She can often be found at her desk working on her next project, or looking at eye candy online for research purposes.  She is a sucker for happy endings, but will always make her characters work for it.
If you enjoy romance, suspense and erotica, let your imagination run 'Wilde'.

Author links:
Facebook   |     Goodreads      |    Twitter    |     Blog       |     Website

Wednesday 3 June 2015

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/03/15

Daniel has been stalking me again. He hasn’t really stopped, I think.

On top of that, the Christmas Body has finally been identified so I can add it to the journal but I still have no recollection of the murder.

James and I took to calling it the Christmas Body shortly after we disposed of it all those months ago. You remember me talking about the bag of bones we found in the garage during Christmas holidays. We couldn’t identify the body so we left it for the forensic pathologists and the dogs to find. They found them easily enough but it took some time before they identified the remains. It was all over the news on Monday: 10 month old Skeleton finally identified.

It was a college student who’d come home for the summer and went missing shortly after arriving. No one knew what happened to her so she remained a missing person until almost a year later. She died the day she went missing (or thereabouts) but her bones weren’t found until 6 months later and then it took some time because there was nothing but a bag of bones. The forensic team working the case suggested that it was a professional job because the flesh and muscle were so cleanly cut away.

Not bad for a murder committed in some fugue state.  

That’s been one thing to brighten my week. It may be the last.

Oh, and Jason’s test results came in over the weekend. He has Attention Deficit Disorder. Hooray! I love my son no matter what, and all that bullshit, but I…I just don’t need this right now. I think Jason’s taking this hard. He hasn’t said anything but he’s been quieter the last few days. Not like his usual closed-off self. Just…quieter. I just don’t know how to talk to this kid, to get through to him. This latest development isn’t helping.

James seems almost indifferent which I know he isn’t. He cares about Jason, he looks after him, but he is so mad at me that anything I tell him, even about the kids, just means nothing. Sandra is the only one who seems to be able to get through to Jason (or James for that matter) so for once, I have no qualms about using my children to get what I want. If it means forcibly keeping my family together, then I will do it.

My sister couldn’t get her kids back, the government couldn’t take them away, I’m certainly not going to let them do it.

But short of locking James in the basement, I think it’s just a waiting game. Besides, I have other things to worry about. Okay, I wouldn’t call them worries just yet. Right now, they’re simply concerns.

About Daniel stalking me with pupydog eyes. And Charlotte confessing to me on our way to lunch yesterday that she’s going to take him to marriage counseling. She can’t prove that he’s having an affair but she’s almost positive. She’s worried because he sneaks in and out in the middle of the night and he doesn’t talk about what’s going on in his life. He’s distancing himself from her which means that he’s getting ready to walk away. Walk straight to me, it seems.

I’ve started changing my travel routes, I’ve tried to talk to James about changing the locks – got no response – but he knows where I work, he knows where I live, he knows who my friends are. All that work he put into trying to catch me in a lie has made it that much easier for him to…try and get my attention. That’s what he’s doing. He’s trying to show that he’s devoted.

I never doubted it.

At least in this incarnation of his stalking, I’m not afraid to kill anymore. He doesn’t watch when I kill people (at least I never see him) but he knows that it happens, he has to. He’s ignoring it, which I’m grateful for, but my inner conspiracy theorist is getting…concerned. Not really worried, just concerned.

That man just shows up everywhere I go. I’d like to be able to go to Charlotte and convince her that Daniel hasn’t changed, that he’s loyal, and devoted to her so that she’ll stay and keep him in line but he’s not making it easy.

I’m…scared of him. I don’t do well when I’m scared, readers, but Daniel…when he puts his mind to something, he does it. And I don’t like that. He’s too much like me.

James is the closest I want to get to a person who understands me. James is the closest person I want to be to. That’s it. James makes me…happy. He makes me feel safe. And for the last…year I’ve either taken it for granted or thrown that loyalty and comfort in his face. I don’t feel happy anymore; I don’t feel safe. I need James to help me fix this.

I don’t know how, though. How do I fix this?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe