Wednesday 29 June 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/29/16

I think summer vacation has officially begun. Jason is working extra hours to save up for school, James is working overtime to gain favours for his promotion; and I’m stuck in the ordinary routine: work and kill, work and kill.

We have officially entered monotony.

Not that I mind. This is what I wanted; no responsibilities. Just spending my days doing what pays the bills, and my nights doing what I love. And spending time with my husband when he’s not dead tired. We’ve settled into a routine that leaves plenty of room for exploration. I have tons of free time to experiment and have fun. Like I said I would.

I finally found a way to kill someone with a sewing needle. A little underwhelming to watch but so cool for my inner nerd.

The obvious answer would be to stab the carotid artery and watch them bleed out. But stabbings are so boring. This is the opportunity to get creative. After a little bit of research, I found a thin man, took him around the corner and punctured his lung, causing a collapsed lung that eventually led to his death a few minutes later. The challenging part was to get such a short needle to pierce a lung with enough force to detach itself from the chest wall. It was kind of a long shot but I pressed it with the heel of my hand and pushed with enough force to send it through. Like I said: long shot. But it paid off, it really did.

It wasn’t much to look at, the man gasped and suddenly struggled to breathe. Eventually he passed out and died from lack of oxygen. As simple as that. But knowing what was going on inside made it satisfying. I loved it.

My other really interesting kill was actually last night. I used a drill to push right through a woman’s skull. Not terribly original but fun to watch. I doubt you’ve ever seen someone lobotomized while conscious and then watched them bleed out in about half an hour but it’s a sight to see. She didn’t feel any pain. She didn’t even notice she was bleeding until it was all over her face, and then she just wandered around the alley in a dumbfounded state until she collapsed in a trail of her own blood. I watched, laughing to myself. She had no idea what was going on around her. She was like an animal, incomprehensive in the face of danger. How could I not laugh?

Afterwards, I came home to an empty house and it suddenly hit me. I’m starting to get lonely. The boredom and the desire to kill are just my way of coping. I need a new project. Like Daniel but with less drama. My own project. One I can control.

I think I might have an idea but I’ll hold off on saying anything else until I try it out this Friday. I’ll let you know if it’s a viable option.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 22 June 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/22/16

I heard from my sister on Sunday. She’s under the impression that she may be up for parole in three months and then she’ll be released into the world. My world. She wants Jason to drive up and visit her before she’s free and I happily reminded her that my son is an adult who can do or see whoever he wants.

That was my mistake.

I called him “my son”. I consider Jason my child and I know he has mixed feelings about his family. But my sister? She’s firmly in the “he is my son and how dare you pretend you are his mother, I gave birth to him therefore you have no parental claim whatsoever” category. After all these years, I’ve been very careful about how I talk about Jason and Sandra and our family but it just slipped out. Now she’s angrier than ever but I really could not give a shit. She can do whatever she wants now. Jason is free and I have nothing she wants so there’s no need to bother me anymore.

I just don’t want my sister roaming the streets. If you thought I was bad, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen my sister on a boring Sunday afternoon. She was my mentor, my confident, my friend, but after all these years away she’s too inexperienced to jump right back in. That’s exactly what she’ll try to do and it will get her killed. Or worse, I’ll get caught.

No matter what I feel about my sister and our current situation, she’s an extension of my life – my dark past – and I hold her criminal history in high regard. She just needs to understand that times have changed. I’ve changed. I won’t let her into my world without a fight. I hope she takes my advice.

That’s the only recent development and my concern for my sister isn’t exactly new. I’m getting bored. I forgot to kill someone with a needle last week and I only remembered as I type this. I’m restless and creative but also too lazy to do anything about it. I haven’t had a summer off in years. It’ll be great no matter what I do. There are no deadlines, no one relying on me.

I just don’t care.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 15 June 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/15/16

Graduation season is possible my favourite time of year – other than Halloween. It’s a little less work with a built in cause of death and all those extra bodies running around, celebrating the next chapter in their lives. Alcohol poisoning is on the rise in the city and it’s only partially my fault. Drunk driving is also a lot of fun. Not for other people; for me.

My new favourite is calling the non-emergency line to report a driver swerving on the road then run them into a ditch. I always try and make sure they’re actually driving drunk – or at least recklessly – before I kill them. Really I’m doing the city a favour. We have to keep dangerous people off the road. I wouldn’t have to kill them if they weren’t there.

However, I can only do it a few times because trends are dangerous but it’s entertaining to play an innocent bystander. Maybe that’s the new trend: roleplaying.

I really can’t tell what my mood will be when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes I like it sneaky and subtle; the times you don’t find the body for weeks after the fact. Sometimes I’m in the mood for messy and quick, sometimes torturously slow. It’s really a game of chance how you’ll die at my hand. Unless you’ve done something to specifically piss me off – then I promise it will be hilariously ironic and I will blog about it.

This week’s mood seems to be…playful. My own version of pranking. It’s fun and relaxing which I haven’t done in a while. No more stalkers, angry husbands, curious children, bitchy co-workers. I can actually take time to enjoy my craft. And you know what? I will.

I will actually take time for myself the way I did before the husband and the kids and the stress of maintaining multiple lives. Two is enough for me, thank you.

I vow here and now to take more time to do the things I love; to indulge in my more creative urges. Did you know that in all my years, I’ve never killed anyone with a sewing needle? I think it would take a miracle to get me to relax after the year I’ve had but I’m up for the challenge.

Actually time for myself without worries. I wonder what that would be like…

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 8 June 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/08/16

James would never ask me but I’ve recently thought about eliminating a few police officers in order to speed up his promotion. I really don’t like this waiting business. Before James I was a little more cavalier with my decision to kill law enforcement. It was rarely out of necessity but I simply enjoyed it – like I do all my other victims. I had to be much more careful with my selection but I confess to murdering the occasional civil servant over the years. Since my loving husband came into my life, I haven’t killed a single officer. A lot of it has to do with James having that bond with his fellow officers. If I got rid of his “brothers or sisters”, I’d never hear the end of it. Not that I’m leaping at the opportunity; police, EMTs, firefighters, I understand their important place in the world. I rely on them to take care of my family when I can’t and the work they do is incredibly good. But they are human like anyone else and if they’re going to die at my hand then it will happen. Out of respect for my husband, I haven’t killed a single officer but now that some of them may be in the way of his happiness, I may have to go against him.

I’m just so proud of James; he worked so hard for his promotion and, from what I understand, his superiors are satisfied by his work but not blown away which may be what gives him an advantage. Or it might be that none of the other officers are alive to accept said promotion. It just never occurred to me that it wouldn’t be an automatic thing. Now James is telling me that it could be years before he takes the next step in his career.

He wants me to wait but I’m seriously getting impatient. I want my husband to succeed, how can that be so wrong? Alright, I understand that my version of achieving success is a little twisted but my intentions are pure.

Patience is sometimes my virtue only when it benefits me.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday 1 June 2016

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/01/16

Jason turned 18 last Friday. James and I took him out to a nice restaurant – the middle class version of fancy – and celebrated with a quiet night out. We toasted to him and to Sandra and how this family has changed in the past year. It was…nice.

I never thought about it until I was toasting my son but I’m proud of him. He got out. He managed to create his own world away from the family drama and suffering. Not even his sister could do that. Sandra succumbed to the family curse but not Jason. I wonder why that is. I wonder how he made it.

James got called into work near the end of the meal so the two of us finished up and indulged in a tiny slice of cheesecake – “to spoil ourselves” I told him. I don’t understand restaurant portions. Appetizers are bigger than entrees; desserts are either miniscule bites or whole cakes. Balance, my friends, balance is so important.

For the first time in recent memory, I sat down with Jason, just the two of us. Immediately after James dashed off, we sat there in uncomfortable silence but I couldn’t stand how fidgety he got as soon as we were alone so I just started asking him questions. We talked about his school life, how he was feeling about his finals starting next week, how his girlfriend was – Sara, I remembered her names was Sara – how his job was turning out, how he was feeling about university. School was crammed with information but otherwise boring, exams will be easy except for the essay portion of his English exam, Sara just got her acceptance letter and the two of them are looking forward to studying at the same school in the fall, the future is bright. CliffNotes version: He’s doing just fine. He’s happy and hopeful  and committed to doing his best.

I never thought I would be happy to see my child not pursuing the family history of addiction and destruction. Of course this revelation comes on the day I stop being his legal guardian. Now I’m the aunt he lives with rent free.

No, that’s a lie. I will always be his mother. Always.

He brought up his sister towards the end of the meal. He’d been quiet for a few minutes while we finished our dessert, and then he just blurted it out. He doesn’t think her death was random. The more he thought about it, the more personal it seemed and he now thinks she knew the person who killed her. He was clinical in his statement. Barely any emotion. I can accept that. But why now? He was so close to freedom. I asked him if he was going to do anything about it but he’s still in the first stages of curiosity. He still has a long way to go before he gets to Sandra’s level of obsession.

Speaking of which: her room is still relatively untouched which means her corkboard detailing my murders is still in the back of her closest. Shit. I need to find the courage to clean out my daughter’s room. It’s going to get my in trouble.

I think – I hope – Jason just really misses his sister and doesn’t want to believe what the police told him; it was a random attack and nothing else. Either that or he is genuinely afraid of what he might uncover if he investigates. I don’t blame him for that. For either scenario. Death does things to a person’s mind. The suffering of those dying is temporary but the ones who are left with the grief can go crazy – clich├ęd but not untrue. I don’t want that for Jason. I took care of Sandra’s killer for just that reason: closure.

What I loved about that conversation is that Jason actually opened up to me. He trusted me with something and I couldn’t help feeling that tiny moment of victory. We haven’t talked about his sister’s death in nearly a year and all he said to me was “I’ll be fine.” I admire and fear his ability to work through his emotions. I honestly don’t know how he handled his sister’s loss because I was so focused on my own healing. In that way I’ve been very selfish these past few months.

I’m actually surprised it took him this long to bring up the possibility to foul play. I suppose this means he’s more controlled and intelligent than I am. Jason is more mature than I have ever given him credit for. I think I just assumed that his sister was the strong one and he just followed her lead – I’ve said as much over the years – but he is his own person and he deserves my respect. He’s an adult now. I don’t expect him to move out next month but what I’ve discovered is that I shouldn’t underestimate my son. I no longer have a child to care for. I don’t want children of my own – raising two broken teenagers was enough – but I sometimes wish I’d had more time with them. More time to really get to know them as people instead of pawns against my mother, or reminders of my sister’s fuck ups, or any number of mistakes I’ve made over the years.

All week I’ve been feeling restless, like I need to be doing something. Maybe this is what they mean by “empty nest”. Sandra is gone and Jason is grown up. Now what?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe