Wednesday 16 March 2022

Your Midweek Update for 16/03/22

I hate my body right now, this is not how I wanted to spend my week. I fucked up my hip on Sunday chasing down a victim and now I have this shooting pain up my side whenever I breathe. Totally normal. I’m just grumpy because I didn’t sleep well and I have to make a chiropractor appointment for some time this week.

I have enough time, it’s not like I’m doing much beyond going to work and murdering people, it’s just disappointing to face my own mortality and deteriorating body. I hate this reminder that I’m going to have to stop killing one day. There is a small comfort in knowing I will be able to pass my legacy on to Casey – provided she lives to maturity – but it’s not the same. I would much rather be an immortal murderer than have the memory of my deeds living on through others.

If you think that’s selfish, you’re new here and you have no fucking idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.

I threw a man off his apartment balcony the other day and it hurt. I was too busy doubled over in pain to enjoy the splat has his body hit the ground and his bones snapped in unnatural positions until he looked like a towel swan.

A towel swan? Is that what they’re called. Those things that fancy hotels who try too hard do where they fold a told a towel into different shapes – usually a swan. Once, I saw a towel dolphin and that was very cool. I love seeing people take their seemingly useless skills and putting them to good use. It makes the world more interesting.

For example, I am insanely good at accents – or so my husband always said. I sometimes put on a voice when I don’t want to talk to an unruly customer. It only backfired once when I did an Australian accent and the client asked if we were from the same area. I also get to use it in my hobby because being able to disguise one’s voice is a very practical skill when committing countless murders.

And I do mean countless. I’ve actually lost track now, there’s been so much going on the past few years. I remember when I hit 500 and we might have hit 700 by now but like I said: I stopped counting probably around the time I burned my journals.

A lot has changed over the last decade. Mostly for the worse. But at least I still have a few more years before I have to seriously consider retirement. For now, if that means I have to make time for a chiropractor appointment, then that’s what I have to do.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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