Wednesday 9 March 2022

Your Midweek Update for 03/09/22

 I didn’t sleep with Ben at all this week and here’s why I think it’s wonderful.

This idea of sleeping with someone and not killing them was feeling dangerously close to a relationship with feelings and emotions – and, as we’ve discovered recently, emotions only lead to heartbreak – so not exclusively sleeping with one person is good for me.

Even if I do end up killing most of the others.

One of them left before I came, one of them slapped me thinking it was “sexy”, and another one just smelled weird. They had to go. Especially that second one. We didn’t even finish our little interaction, I just shoved him against the open window and crushed his windpipe. He also may have been missing a hand which was not the smartest thing if I wanted to make it look like an accident but the personal satisfaction of disconnecting the hand that struck me from the man that had the audacity was worth it.

I’ve been hearing this word a lot lately – audacity. Fuck, it’s such a good word. It sounds vicious and strong. Like, if you have audacity you are a fucking nuisance and that is either an infuriating or admirable trait (3 guess which our slap-happy friend was). It is just a good word to use in everyday life, I’m glad it’s coming back.

Another word I’d love to see return: defenestrate. It didn’t go anywhere but we should definitely be using it more often. Let’s just start tossing people out of windows when they piss us off. Or just because. People need to live in fear of being flung out of windows.

Also: disembowel. Strangely I hear this word more often than defenestrate despite it being slightly more graphic – that shouldn’t actually be a surprise, I guess. My life is rather violent. Do you think there was something about me that gave him the impression that I like my sex as violent as my life?


That is another stellar word that needs to be brought back into the public lexicon. I will have to do that to the next person I kill. Make a bunch of young reporters learn the word evisceration for print and film. I’m doing it for them as much as me.

You know me: always a giver.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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