Wednesday 1 September 2021

Your Midweek Update for 09/01/21

It’s a brand new month and yet I am still the same dumbass I was ten years ago. Last week, I thought it would be super fun to chase a victim who’d caught on a little too early that they were in mortal danger. It’s incredibly annoying when that happens. It’s like on cop shows when they announce that they’re police when there’s a crowd of people between them, and get surprised when they run. Even if I wasn’t in trouble with the law, I’m probably running from the police. In this day and age, I’m hesitant to report a car accident because I’m worried it will escalate.

That’s not what this is about.

This is about me, chasing after a victim, landing on my fucking knee on a concrete floor, and fracturing my kneecap. And then, because – as I said – I am a complete dumbass, I got up, kept running after this woman who was now screaming her lungs out, and just barely tackled her before we reached a public access door.

The only reason she’s even dead is because she hit her head on the same cement that cracked my knee, which stunned her long enough that I could drag her to the edge of the parking garage and throw her over. Knowing my luck, I figured I would have been pulled over the side with her or she’d land on a passing car and survive or some bullshit like that.

The universe covered my ass this once. Sort of.

Anyways, I managed to limp back to my car and drive myself to an emergency room where they confirmed that my kneecap was not, in fact, supposed to be in that position. I spent my Monday night in surgery and then getting the largest cast put around my knee. It was unnecessarily large for only injuring a small portion of my leg. But I did manage to chip off part of the bone in my kneecap and I have to keep the cast on until the bone has fused together.

I came home Tuesday morning and slept until Thursday – which is why I didn’t update you last week. I was dreaming about flying fish and giant talking turkey legs (I hadn’t eaten anything in over 24 hours at that point). To conclude: my dumb ass is going to be walking around on crutches for at least five more weeks and I am not looking forward to it.

But I know I did it to myself. I went after a victim without backup – which I normally don’t need but I was technically performing a kill out in the open and it’s always smarter to bring backup – I didn’t look where I was going, and then I kept running on it after the initial injury. To be fair: there was no way in hell I was letting this woman get away. I would be in surgery and she’d be giving my sketch to the police. I’d be arrested in a giant, ugly cast. No. Way.

But that is what’s going to be occupying my time for the next few weeks. We are just trying not to fall over at this point. I promise I’m scolding myself continuously, I have no one to blame but myself – and the victim for running… but mostly me. I’m basically out of commission for the next two months at least, which is not the best time for my mental health but, again, no one to blame but the victim. “Fortunately” I can still go in to work but all extra-curricular activities are off, much to my husband’s disappointment. Even if I was able to get close enough to kill someone and they had the decency not to run, I am way too recognizable with this hunk of plaster on my knee. It’s big and heavy enough that I’d happily bludgeon someone to death with it…if it didn’t cause me, just, immense amounts of pain.

If you couldn’t already tell, I’m going to be a little grumpy for the next few weeks. Deal with it.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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