Wednesday 23 December 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/23/20

Remember how I was complaining about the lack of snow in my area? Well, I don’t regret it at all. The snow is up to my fucking waist and I am so happy. James and Casey are complaining about having to shovel just to get to the end of the driveway, but I am just so excited to make up for lost time.

All those bodies I can hide. All the death by exposure excuses for the coroner. All the white out conditions that can blindside a victim at three in the afternoon.

I’m like a kid at Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas.

I think this will be the first year in a long time that I haven’t spent it with my parents. Though, I honestly can’t remember what I did last Christmas since this entire god damn year has taken three decades off of everyone’s lives. I can barely tell you what I did a few months ago.

Oh no wait, I can: I was running with Heather all over the country trying to catch a woman that I don’t entirely believe existed in the first place.

Never quite going to be over how badly I let myself believe there were still monsters out in the world. That paranoia and obsession took hold of me so easily but the truth is: I’m still the scariest thing out there. I let Heather get to me because I trusted her and I wanted to believe that there was still more adventure to be had.

James pointed out that maybe I like being in danger. I like having people after me. I asked me if I like being scared. I was going to tell him that he was crazy for even thinking it but honestly… it was just nice to have something to do. You know, I was going stir crazy all year, trying to piece my family back together after Jason left. Having this other thing to focus on – this villain outside the home – helped me refocus.

But I still can’t remember what I did last Christmas. As it is: my parents can’t come over so it’ll just be the three of us. I want to reach out to Jason (even just a phone call to wish him a Merry Christmas would be better than not seeing him at all) but I don’t know where he is.

I could find him, if I wanted. I could track him down and confront him or make him come home. It’d be very easy.

But he left for a reason. And I will not lose another child if I don’t have to.

So this year, it’ll just be the three of us. And it’s enough.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

No comments:

Post a Comment