Wednesday 2 December 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 12/02/20

Is it horrible that I miss Heather?

She deserved to die for betraying my family but now I have no one to talk to. Is it better to be right or to be lonely? That’s the question we’re contemplating this week, I suppose. Not for long, mind you (I’m tired) but it is worth pursuing.

I claim that I make no exceptions. No one is beyond scrutiny and if they hurt me, I remove them from my life. Some might say that’s a healthy way of living: cultivating your experience and refusing to tolerate those who would take advantage of you. But I have made exceptions.

I didn’t kill my husband. If he were anyone else, he wouldn’t be turning 45 today. But back then, he didn’t matter. He was a no one who knew my secret and yet I let him live. Of course, I made some excuse about needing someone on the inside but the truth is, I was doing just fine without him. I made an exception because I was lonely and I liked him.

I should have killed Sandra back when she just thought she might know my secret. The day I told her the truth should have been her last day on earth but it wasn’t. Instead, she was stolen from me and I lost so much more than a daughter.

Hell, Jason is out there roaming the streets god knows where, knowing everything and wanting nothing to do with this family. They should never find his body for all the shit he knows. But I made an exception.

Does that make me more or less human to have people I care about enough to protect despite their ability to hurt me? Because every day, I wake up and make the choice to keep killing – to keep putting them in danger – because it’s something I want to do.

And then I meet someone and trust them enough to share my secret and at the first sign of betrayal, I kill them.

While, I don’t kill them, a fifteen-year-old psychopath kills them.

I suppose the big difference here is that James never betrayed me. Not like this. Would I forgive him if he was the one who’d done this? Would I let him live because I selfishly need him in my life? Is it better to be safe or be lonely?

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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