Wednesday 5 May 2021

Your Midweek Update for 05/05/21

Don’t tell James but I’m starting to lose hope.

I’m scared and I’m tired and I feel like I’ve looked under every rock but there’s still no news. The gas station security camera was a bust and my sister has turned up no other leads. It’s like she’s vanished off the face of the earth.

I know how to make people disappear. Me and James and my sister, we are experts at making people disappear. No one is better than us. So how did they do it? How did they get her out without any of us being able to figure it out?

You know that voice in your head that tells you to do stupid things like jump out of a moving car, or stab your neighbour with an ice pick? You can call it the ‘Id’, or ‘Intrusive Thoughts’. Poe calls it the ‘Imp of the Perverse’.

That voice is telling me that Casey had a hand in this.

She has spent so much time with us, learning how to do what we do. And she’s good. I’ve said it: she could be better than me one day. If she wanted to get away from us, or go into hiding, she could do it.

But, if I let myself think that she did this intentionally and I’m wrong, I leave her in danger. If I keep looking and she doesn’t want to be found, I will lose my mind looking for the rest of my life.

So I will keep looking.

The problem is: I don’t know where to look next. Or I do. But I’ve been avoiding it for a month because there is no happy ending to be found there.

I have to find Casey’s mother. I think she’ll be a lot easier to find. Given how much work I got done on my own, having my sister and my husband supporting me will be more than sufficient. Either Casey went off to kill her, or her mother took her for some reason, there is no easy ending to this.

I didn’t think of it at first because I was so focused on some stranger who could overpower a trained killer. And then I was avoiding imagining that Casey could hurt our family like this. When the through crossed my mind, I avoided it, too.

The only way a reunion between mother and daughter ends is with one of them dead. As relieved as I was when Casey told me she didn’t want to go back to her mother, I never wanted her to kill her. As much as I fantasize about killing my mother, I wouldn’t ever.

There are some lines that can never be crossed.

If she’s gone where I think she’s gone…

I’m scared.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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