Wednesday 14 April 2021

Your Midweek Update for 04/14/21

Ten days.

Casey’s been gone for ten days and I haven’t slept. I keep reliving the stress of Sandra’s disappearance. Not knowing where she is or what’s happened to her. I dream about finding my little girl’s body in pieces and I wake up crying.

James hasn’t left my side except to go to work where he talks to prisoners and guards – tries to find anyone who can give any insight onto who might have taken her.

She’s a strong girl. Emotionally, of course, but physically as well. She’s tall and she’s strong and normally I would fear for whoever thought they could hurt her but it’s been ten days and there’s still no word.

Police are out looking but they don’t really believe we’ll find her. Detective Sloan – the charming woman assigned to my case – has told me in no uncertain terms that she thinks Casey either ran away on her own or is already dead. But she doesn’t know my little girl, and if she did, she would be asking different questions.

I’m worried about what they’ll find if they look into her past. She has no history – no medical records or social insurance number – nothing real anyways. We gave her the same information we gave her school and we’re praying they care more about her future than her past.

They went and combed the forest outside the city over the weekend which was a whole new adventure. Of course, James and I went with them. It was like walking through a minefield of our own creation. Sure, we vaguely knew where the bodies were buried but we could never be certain. Thankfully, there was only one sniffer dog because, as I said, Detective Sloan believes Casey left of her own accord.

As if she would hurt her family this way.

Jason leaving was different.

But no, it has not escaped my notice that I have now lost all three of my children. But I will get Casey back. She is my second chance and I will not lose her.

There was nothing at the house we hadn’t already found. Keeping the police from searching every nook and cranny while still letting them do their job was a terrible balancing act. But even after they left, we found nothing: no blood we couldn’t account for, no missing items or any explanation.

Sloan confirmed that the blood on the door handle and in the living room was Casey’s blood type but it wasn’t enough to suggest what injuries she might have. The detective thinks the struggle and blood were staged but I know my daughter would never put us through that.

She was happy with us, she was safe. She wouldn’t leave on her own. Someone took her and I want to know who.

I feel alone.

I have my husband – my one constant – but other than that…

I’ve barely made friends at the bank, my neighbours were isolated and judgmental before COVID, my best friend was murdered by my now missing daughter, and I can’t talk to my parents. Not about any of this.

I haven’t spoken to my sister in two years. Not since Jason’s trial which seems like a lifetime ago. Honestly, she might be the only one who can help me right now.

There are few people I trust in this world. In fact, there’s only one, and my sister is not them. But I love her. And she understands this world I exist in: this dichotomy of light and dark. Her skill with technology is admittedly better than mine.

God, I hope she can help me.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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