Wednesday 5 August 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/05/20

We’re going to breeze right past the part where I might be sexually attracted to Heather and instead, I’m going to tell you about the time I stuffed a body in a tree.

Now, me and bodies and woods, are not an uncommon theme but surely, I’ve instilled in you by now that when it comes to murder: the elements are your friend. The only thing better at destroying evidence might be a politician in an election year.

I’m not good with the political satire. Moving on.

This was while James and I were dating so I would have just turned 30, and I was slowly introducing him to my world. A lot of our early days were about me figuring out what his limits were. So, I’d tell him about a kill and see what his reaction was. Then I’d let him see the aftermath. Then I’d show him things (evidence). Then I’d let him tag along but not participate. At any given moment, I was a minute away from slicing his throat if he proved to be untrustworthy.

I would have done it, too. I had no qualms about killing James when we first started out. He wasn’t a potential partner then, he was a tool; a pawn, to help cover my tracks within the police department. If that tool proved to be useless, I would have no need of it.

But nothing I did seemed to phase him. He loved every part of me. So, I kept pushing – kept doing the most outlandish kills to see if I could break him. He never did. Finding someone who loves you because of your quirks and not despite them is a wonderful feeling. Apparently, it’s also dangerous.


It was during that testing period, that I invited James out to a cabin in the woods for the weekend.

That, in itself, was a test. A known serial killer inviting you to a secluded area outside the city? All kinds of red flags. He was in the car at 7:30am, precisely when I asked him to be there, two coffee in hand, like this was just a casual road trip. Which it was meant to be. Just because the threat of death loomed over him, didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy ourselves.

That was actually a really good trip for us. We lost the radio signal about two hours away from the cabin and instead of turning someone’s music on, we just talked. On the back into the city, we didn’t even bother turning the radio on and spent the entire drive talking. If that cabin hadn’t already cemented our relationship, our drive home would have.

As it was, we had an amazing time up in the woods.

For one: there was no one around for miles, so neither of us were worried about grumpy neighbours telling us to fuck quieter (Mrs. Portias was a horrible woman who deserved to die anyways, and then she filed a noise complain with the city).

Two: I got to try out a new tenderizer which worked like a dream on those leg and calf muscles.

Three: It was the first time James made suggestions (and in that voice that told me he wasn’t asking), successfully combining the first two points.

Despite there being no one for miles, there was a hiking trail maybe a twenty-minute drive from the cabin, which is why I chose that cabin (that, and the fact that there is and never will be a record of my family staying there since it doesn’t exist on paper).

Why didn’t I go there when my family was on the run?

Fuck you, that’s why.

We made our way to the trail, stashing the car safely out of sight, and walked about a third of the way in to wait for a passing victim. Sure enough, we grabbed a woman who was just a little too far behind her group of friends and took off before anyone had even noticed. That’s not normally how I would have done it – considering that method takes a bit more brute force than I have – but James was happy to help in that department, dragging the woman out of view while I stabbed her with a syringe filled with bleach. No sense in dragging around an unconscious body only to kill her later, when you can just kill her now.

The three of us went deep into the woods just as the sun was setting; the light on the trees was gorgeous, I wish we could have taken a photo. Alas. There, we came upon a hollow tree and I just had to go with it. Initially, we were going to severely deform her body and leave it for the animals to get at before anyone found her, but when you find a hollow tree and you remember the story of Bella and the Wych Elm, you have to follow through.

Whoever did put Bella in the Wych Elm, had a lot more time and strength than we did. We knew it wouldn’t be long before her friends noticed she was missing and would find her phone in the trees leading away from us. Soon enough, someone would head in our direction looking for her; so we had to act quickly. The meat tenderizer was an amazing tool for helping to shrink her down to proper size. Because, obviously, the hole in which to stuff a woman into a tree isn’t completely human-sized so you have to get a little tetris-y.

All the while, James was standing against the tree, watching me; telling me what part to fold next or just admiring my handywork. I may have been a little overly-aggressive with my hit because I just loved the way he talked to me.

Though it took more time than I would have liked, I did eventually get her followed up into a neat little ball and James helped me toss her in. We just barely missed the search party and skirted around the outside of the flashlights on our way back to the car. We were gone before anyone saw the headlights.

That night may have been the best sex we’d had up to that point. Because there is something just so intoxicating in giving over a bit of control to someone who won’t abuse it. And finding someone who knows all the horrible parts of your but still wants you…yeah. It’s a powerful aphrodisiac.

I think that’s what’s been going on with Heather, lately. Because it wasn’t just that one incident. It’s been…lingering. Don’t know what it means but like I said, we’re not going to talk about it.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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