Wednesday 26 February 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/26/20

I’m feeling crafty this week. Knitting needles, hot glue, x-acto knives; glitter glue.

Can you imagine the autopsy of a man who was poisoned by glitter glue? I have to try it. They’d do the Y-incision and then check his stomach contents and it would all just explode with glitter. They’d bee cleaning the morgue for months. You couldn’t turn anywhere without slipping on glittery stomach acid.

Or would the stomach acid burn through the glitter?

Now I REALLY have to do this. I’ll have to make a trip to the craft store after work so I can test my theory. And then Casey and I can make…something.

You know, beyond using crafts to commit murder, I’m not actually that crafty. All my of creativity goes into finding ways to hide bodies or dissolve them in acid and not ways to DIY my home.

I’ve never been a “crafty mom” with a fancy, aesthetically pleasing home. I don’t have a bowl of lemons to add a pop of colour to the room. What a waste of lemons. Everything in my room has a purpose – and it’s not like I host very often.

The new house is still quite sparse but I’m also not in a hurry to fill it with meaningless knickknacks just because I can.

I sometimes wonder what my house would look like to strangers if they knew who I was. The forensic team charged with tearing my house apart to find evidence, analyzing every dish and towel to see if it holds some meaning or methodology.

Honestly, the only meaning behind the spoons I buy is that I could also scoop a man’s eye out with it.

I’m very crafty that way.

Now I HAVE to buy glitter glue tonight. I have to know how it ends.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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