Wednesday 20 February 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/20/19

This week's update is brought to you by siblings: they're...around.

I called a mandatory family dinner on Monday and it went surprisingly well. Except for my sister showing up. I wanted Casey, Jason, James, and I to have one sit down meal and start to get through all the uncomfortableness that has been festering since she first moved in. I can’t imagine she’s feeling overly settled, moving in to someone else’s bedroom after losing her family. We’re all very understanding of her quiet and closed off demeanor – especially since when she does open up, she is loud and curious and just speaks her mind. In a few months’ time, I think she’ll settle into her new environment really well. And I want to move that forward by instigating family social interactions.

I’m being a good guardian – I’m trying to be a good guardian. By talking to her and encouraging her to open up, at least she might not feel so alone here.

But again, I have no idea. She’ll talk to James – not a lot of personal stuff but he’s learning about her interests and school life – she’s kind of a multi-talented wizard who’s made friends within all of the cliques. She even talks to Jason who talks her though her math homework and has been encouraging her to keep as many strange hours as she wants because “we’re not a household that keeps tabs on each other’s comings and goings.”

It was not subtle but I think it means Jason has my back and will try and keep Casey from discovering my secret. Or maybe he doesn’t have my back as much as he doesn’t want this young girl to experience any more trauma. That’s more likely.

God, I wish I could tell what was going on in Jason’s mind. It was never like this with Sandra. The constant fear and worry. Worry about what my actions are doing to him and fear of his reaction. It’s a constant nightmare.

I have not been a good mother to that boy. My focus is always on the girls because they’re the ones who are acting out or need special attention. But he needs me too.

He’s a good brother. Younger or older, he protects them, helps them. I have to trust that they’ll both be okay if I can’t provide what they need. They’ll help each other.

And then my sister showed up at our family dinner – drunk – because it was her birthday this weekend and she found out about Casey and it sent her on a spiral about Sandra and she insisted on being there for dinner so she could get to know her new niece.

Typical; no matter how much emotional progress I make, my sister is always there to pull me back into petty and immature shit. That’s our system. I let her stay for dinner but I took her keys and made her walk home. She hasn’t been back for them since so lord knows what she’s been up to. I would care more but she is my sister.

She always lands on her feet, no matter how far she falls.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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