Wednesday 2 January 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/02/19

New year, same me, same resolve to make drastic changes in my life - a resolve that will be faded by the end of the week.

To be honest, it has already faded so I don't know how Day Two bodes for the coming year. So I don't want to talk about resolutions, I want to talk about this really cool murder I committed on New Years Eve, right as the clock struck midnight.

Why I was killing on New Years instead of ringing in 2019 with my family or friends, takes some explaining.

In lieu of a a company Christmas party, some of the office workers decided to rent out a section of a quieter pub on New Years Eve (relatively quiet considering the date; but it was tucked away and not well known so the crowds were minimal and the service was trying. They served really good fried pickles though). We all gathered and planned to ring in the new year with the co-workers we actually liked and their spouses whom we tolerated - my husband included. Jason was celebrating with his friends but agreed to call a little after midnight to check in and exchange pleasantries. Most of us were fairly intoxicated by 10 and it only got worse from there. Where some of us knew to keep the buzz but not go any further. Others did not know better but they should have. One of them was Bob's husband Carl who hit on or aggressively complimented all the women - we're not quite sure what his intentions were. He was harmless enough but there was a woman from accounting who got very drunk, Katie, and decided to pick a fight with Heather. Something about her botching a sales report last quarter but really, we think she just wanted an excuse to punch someone. I say "we" because James and I still talk about it.

Heather is okay. Bruised and confused but okay. Katie was arrested for assault and public intoxication though Heather dropped the charges in exchange for Katie covering her shift for the next few Fridays. I think Heather was being too nice but then again, I probably might have killed Katie. Oh wait...

So James ended up leaving the party to take Katie to the local station for processing, leaving me alone very close to midnight.

After the little incident, the party broke off into small factions - after the bar manager asked us to leave, we could all decided where to go next. Heather, myself, and one other girl on her own Sara, decided to walk down the street and see if there were other establishments where we could ring in the new year. Now, while Heather and I were reasonably well-dressed for the frozen weather, Sara was not and she quickly gave up the search for alcohol in favor of hailing a taxi and going home. So then it was just Heather and I, and by 11:45, we were fairly...not-sober.

I gotta tell you guys, party drinking isn't a "young person" thing, it's an "everybody who needs it" thing and while 2018 was not the worst year I've ever had, it was worth some shots. Screwdrivers are amazing. Just saying.

So Heather and I are stumbling down the street looking for some place that will take us in so we can ring in the new year and wouldn't you know: someone tried to be a jackass right around midnight. Another drunk someone bumped into us, decided that was our fault and pulled a knife, wanting to take our purses. Don't be publicly stupid, people, it just makes my job easier. Heather got scared and froze - a perfectly valid response to fear - while I got aggressive and pulled both of them into a nearby alley.

It was the first time in a long time I killed while someone watched - someone who wasn't my husband. I don't think it's sexual but there is a sense of satisfaction that comes from doing something so powerful, knowing someone is watching and not feeling fear. And I wasn't afraid. Even if I was sober, I don't think Heather would tell on me. Of course she doesn't know my complete story, and still doesn't, but I think she knows the type of person I am and she supports me. I gotta admit, it is nice to have a friend.

I guess I did ring in the New Year with people. One was getting their head smashed in with a piece of two-by-four, doused in gasoline, and set on fire, while another watched someone get their head smashed in, doused in gasoline, and set on fire. It would have been nice to kiss James at midnight instead of drinking another bottle of wine on my way out of the liquor store. Otherwise, that was an enjoyable New Years celebration for me.

I hope you all had an enjoyable time ringing in the new year.

Here's to 2019 being less shitty than 2018.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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