Wednesday 26 November 2014

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/26/14

Cold and flu season is upon us and for that reason, I bring you this public service announcement:

For god’s sake: stop coughing!

The next person to stand in line behind me at the grocery store or come to my desk in a coughing fit is going to get an ice pick to the eyeball. The left one. Because I’m partial to the left eye so maybe I’ll start a collection.

Seriously, Heather has been sick all week and so have half the staff on my floor. Three times this week, I was out running errands and someone coughed or hacked in my face and only two of them apologized. It’s as if people lose their last shred of civility when they feel a little under the weather.

Just don’t be in public if you’re that sick. Do you have any idea how annoying you sound? All the phlegm and the clammy hands and the runny noses and the coughing.

It’s the coughing that really gets me.

It is silent and peaceful and I can sit at my desk and concentrate when suddenly someone will start coughing and that’s all I can focus on. If it would help, I’d rip out their vocal chords or make them a cup of tea – one of the two. Just. Stop. Coughing. I beg of you.

It’s bringing back my urges with full force and my desire to shut up the plague-infested rats is actually very strong. I’ve taken to using the lame-ass stress ball Dr. Owlface gave to me last month. “If you ever feel a moment of desire for violence, use it to absorb your tension” he said.

There isn’t a stress ball big enough to absorb my tension. That’s what I have my husband and children for.

Those poor darlings have been absorbing a lot of my frustration lately. Just in the last few weeks with the stupid army or sicklings invading my space. I’ve taken to scolding and shouting over little things and it gotten so bad that Sandra called me out on my shit on Saturday.

I don’t understand why that girl wants to be a research analyst when she has the ability to put a serial killer in her place. That takes a lot of skill. I suppose I’m obligated to support her no matter what she does.

But research analyst?

I’m still not positive I know what that entails. But she’s confident in what she wants so that’s all I can ask for. I wonder about her brother, though. He really enjoys…


I don’t know what he’s interested in.

Good lord, I am a horrible mother. Have I just not been paying attention?

Have I ever talked about Jason’s interests? If I have, please let me know in the comments. This is really going to bother me. I’m going to have a talk with James tonight.

Sweet Jesus.

Sorry, I just can’t believe I can’t think of a single thing off the top of my head. This is embarrassing and very distressing.

I need a day.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

(And stay healthy, for both our sakes)

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