Monday 4 March 2013

Undercover Lovers #8: Annoying Ex-boyfriend

I first want to apolgoze for this story. The goal was more to make you giggle rather than to amaze you with my wit and charm. It's my way of counteracting last weeks rather dark subject. Either way, this particular story was born of a typo. I meant to write "Rick's Ex-girlfriend" when plotting this story but wrote "Rick's Ex-boyfriend" instead. You get the picture.

I have a bunch of annoucements for you and I can't seem to think of any of them at the moment.
It's really annoying. I'll let you know once I remember them. Until then, let me know what you think in the comments below.

Kate Beckett was drunk. She was more than drunk, she was plastered. Thank god her boyfriend owned a bar or she wouldn’t be able to afford her designer wardrobe on her cop salary. They were celebrating and celebrating catching a wannabe serial killer deserved getting drunk using a bar tab covered by a millionaire. She was leaning against the man of the hour, really using him to keep her upright while she sung sound bites of “Piano Man” and giggled into her boyfriend’s side. Rick led her down the street to where he’d parked his car several hours earlier. He’d decided to be the designated driver tonight instead of opting to call them a cab because he knew that Kate needed to get drunk safely and also….he’d never seen her drunk before. Not this drunk. Not when she was barely able to walk a squiggly line and everything was hilarious. It was nice to see her so upbeat though honestly, he would kill for a video camera right about now. She had just reached the chorus for the third time in a row and was animatedly prompting him to join in when she stumbled into a lamp post as they bumped into a man walking past them.

“Oh, sorry.” He mumbled, keeping his head down. “I wasn’t looking.”

Kate, still in love with everything, patted his back, stumbling into him until Rick caught her shoulders “no worries, you didn’t break any bones.”

The man nodded, obviously taken aback by Kate’s hands-on approach to life but paused when he saw her partner. “Rick Castle.”

Great, a fan. “You a fan? I’d love to sign something…” he searched for a pen but caught the man smiling and shaking his head.

“I guess you don’t remember me.” He extended his hand to the writer. “Dean Andrews. We were roommates in college.”

Rick knew his girlfriend was watching him, but he still blushed, remembering the name and Kate bit her lip. “Yes, I remember.” He took the man’s hand quickly and released it after a quick squeeze that could barely be called a handshake. “It’s just been…”

“A long time.” Dean laughed nervously then grew quiet, taken back in time to a place Rick really didn’t want to remember – or what little he could remember through the college haze. “You know, you were my first.”

Kate chocked on air and stumbled into her boyfriend’s side. Rick glared at her but even then, his mind was taken back to that place he barely remembered. “Oh my god.”

“I’m sorry, how rude of me, I don’t believe we’ve been introduced.”

Rick shook his head “right; Dean this is Kate my”

“cousin; I’m his cousin.” Kate took Dean’s outstretched hand with vigor, trying and failing to hold in her bubbles of laughter. Rick looked at his girlfriend with what would later be defined as ‘his look’; similar to ‘her look’, it was the death glare he gave his partner when she did something she really shouldn’t.

Dean mumbled a standard greeting but his eyes were still on Rick, appraising him in his later years. He liked what he saw. “You know, Rick, I work at the Department of Justice now, you should definitely give me a call sometime so we can go for coffee and maybe catch up on old times?” The innuendo was atrociously obvious which seemed to make Kate hysterical with laughter so Rick took the business card Dean offered and left the scene of the crime before the situation got worse and his old high school girlfriend came for a visit.

“You are in such big trouble when we get home,” he whispered in Kate’s ear as they finally came up to the car.

Kate was still too giddy for her own good. “I am just so happy right now; this is a great story to tell everyone.”

He turned at the passenger side door so she fell into his stomach rather than the car and maintaining a sane conversation seemed absolutely pointless but he tried nonetheless. “That is so sexist of you to assume that only women experimented in college.”

“Oh I know that,” she bit her lip “I just never pictured you as one of the ones who experimented.”

The way she was looking him up and down with that teasing smile on her face was almost too much for him so he pulled her roughly to him so their hips clashed in an almost painful familiarity. “I can assure you that I am one hundred percent heterosexual now.” She hummed in affirmation.

Two weeks later, Castle came charging through the elevator doors before they were fully open, startling several uniformed officers as he stormed passed them. “Beckett, you’ve got to hide me.” Beckett looked up from her paperwork, startled to find her boyfriend so panicked.

“What wrong?”

“There you are.” Everyone looked up to see Dean Andrews jogging up to the pair having come through the staircase. “Man, I am not in shape like I used to be. Not as much physical activity.” The man was as a subtle as a freight train driven by unicorn – and winking at Castle, making the writer groan and look to his partner for guidance, was not helping his cause. “I didn’t know your cousin was a detective until I saw you coming up the steps. I was on my way to the Twelfth anyway to drop off these legal documents” he indicated the file in his hand that had nearly been forgotten “we should go to lunch. Just like old times?”

Beckett rolled her eyes “alright Dean, that’s enough. You have been following Castle around for two weeks. While it was funny at the beginning, it’s getting really old. You need to back off.” Even when the Great Detective Beckett stood to tell the man off, he still didn’t seem to get it. Everyone else did because the precinct floor was dead silent.

“You’re awfully possessive for a cousin.”

“Oh for the love of” he still thought they were cousins? After she’d told him off for the last two weeks? Fine then; this will convince him for sure. Beckett offered no warning before she grabbed Castle by the lapels of his jacket and fused her mouth to his. This kiss was hot and searing, melting his body into hers. He responded in kind until the need for air broke them apart and they suddenly remembered why they were even doing it…kissing in the precinct. Once the wolf whistles died down, everyone paused to wait for Dean’s response.

“I’m sorry Rick;” score. He was finally backing off. “I really don’t care how you live your life but I find the familiarity and the attraction you seem to have towards your cousin disgusting.” Crap. What? “I can’t continue this relationship with you. I’m sorry.” Beckett couldn’t stop staring at Dean; even as the sound of laughter filtered through the precinct as the lawyer sulked towards the elevator. Castle was equally as shell shocked by the entire experience and was doing very little to hide his embarrassment of the entire situation.

“Detective Beckett; Mr. Castle.” The couple looked up as their Captain called to them. “Step into my office. I believe we need to have another chat about proper office behavior.” Beckett groaned into her boyfriend’s shoulder while the laughter died down to a few sniggers which were thankfully fading.

“I am never drinking again.”

“I am never parking that far away again.”

She nodded into his shirt. “This one is definitely your fault.”

He pulled away and she stumbled, bringing on a sense of déjà vu “actually it’s your fault for telling Dean you were my cousin.”

“It’s your fault for not telling me you had a boyfriend in college.” Kate tried to be quiet about that part but apparently her other two partners were tuned in to their radio station.

“Yo, what was that, bro?” Esposito approached the couple with Ryan flanking from behind. “You had a bro-beau in college?”


“Nothing it’s just,” Ryan looked at his partner and the pair seemed to count down in their heads just so they could say in perfect unison “we thought we were your first.” Beckett held a fist over her mouth to keep from laughing but it really didn’t work. Castle scrunched his face in annoyance and turned his back on his friends who certainly would be paying full price drinks for the next three months.

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