Wednesday 20 April 2022

Your Midweek Update for 04/20/22

I’m perpetually amazed at the lengths of my own patience. Or, rather, I’m amazed at how much bullshit I’ll put up with before I finally rid the world of another idiot.

You would think I had learned my lesson about killing people I’m even remotely connected to – especially in the workplace – but some people are too dumb to live, even if their office is two away from mine. I know committing murder when I’m still in my three-month probation period is not the best idea I’ve ever had but neither is calling Ben at 1am and having sex in the back of his truck. We’re making all sorts of bad decisions this week.

I still haven’t murdered Ben, in case any of you were wondering whether or not I’ve become emotionally attached to my new pet. It would have been so easy to kill him a thousand times. When I was riding his cock, I could have slit his throat; but then I got distracted thinking about whether continuing to fuck him while he was bleeding out would be considered necrophilia.

We’re not going to talk about the orgasm I had while thinking about necrophilia. I don’t think we’re quite there yet in our relationship.

Although congratulations, dear readers, you are officially the longest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.

Back to the idiot at work I probably shouldn’t have killed.

The work I’m doing is very simple and barely requires the necessity to come into work but the company insists on it. It’s mostly calling people and coordinating donations and then filing those sponsors in the system. Not exactly a skill-heavy position – which was good for me because skill-less positions tend to not look as closing at people’s fake IDs – and yet some people still manage to screw it up.

This working for the company for years and yet she managed to lose thousands of dollars without any repercussions. She hasn’t been stealing it, mind you, a little thievery I can forgive, she genuinely screwed up so much data entry that she lost track of over $5600 that is just floating around the internet somewhere.

Being an inherently good person, I went to talk to her first, but it quickly became clear that she had no idea what I was talking about. And that is when I realized that skill-less jobs should still include the ability to count to ten without using your toes.

She had to go.

I reported her error to her supervisor and when he called her in for a meeting, I followed her home, suffocated her with a plastic bag, packed as many of her belongings as I could fit into her car, and drove both of them out of town. She is currently wanted for fraud and they will likely never find her body at the bottom of the river in the next town over.

It was a clean enough kill; I’m just having flashbacks of all the times I’ve killed a coworker and it’s gone horribly wrong. Especially since I had to involve myself further in order to make the cover story work. But I mean, who would report someone for fraud and THEN kill them? It makes no sense.

At least I’m hoping that’s what the detective thinks – especially since her case is being treated as a person of interest rather than a homicide.

Like I said, not a lot of amazing decisions being made this week but we’re persevering.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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