Wednesday 1 January 2020

Your Mid-Week Update for 01/01/20

Where did the time go?

I wake up and suddenly it’s 2020.

I do apologize, dear readers, I meant to offer you an update last week but I woke up on Christmas morning and promptly threw up so I didn’t feel the need to type out “too sick to stand” before I went back to bed.

For our first Christmas just the three of us, it sucked. I stayed in bed all day and James took Casey to a movie and then they ordered Chinese food while I stared at them and tried not to be sick for the eighth time. But you know what made it wonderful? My mother wasn’t there. She wasn’t hovering. She wasn’t criticizing. She wasn’t questioning who Casey was. It was just me, my husband on crutches, and his daughter from another relationship enjoying a quiet day together.

And now it’s a whole new decade and I gotta be honest, I haven’t had the heart to reflect on what the 2010s did to me so I’m just going to focus on the future.

No resolutions this year. Just moving forward with the life that I’m leading.

It has occurred to me that I’m not setting any goals because I am shit at ending things I don’t want to end. I swore off murder and I did keep that promise for a couple of months. Then one little things sets me off and we’re right back where we started, hiding bodies in the frozen lake and dissolving evidence in acid.

The truth is, I haven’t found a good enough reason to quit. In fact, there is a little girl who needs me and the things I do. I haven’t been needed like that in a long time.

I haven’t forgotten that I took this girl and I made her into the perfect little protégé. I could have left her alone, I could have made her stop, I could have turned her in and got her the help she needed. But I saw an opportunity and I took it. A chance to have all the things I never had with Sandra – one of the many things that the 2010s stole from me. I wonder if I’m doing a disservice to her by encouraging her to give in to her urges.

But I’m also aware that I won’t be around forever. And knowing that there is someone in the world who will continue my murderous legacy makes me proud to have Casey in this fucked up family.

And isn’t family all that matters at this time of year?

Regardless, I hope that you and your family move into the new year with hope, and excitement, and hold nothing back.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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