Wednesday 23 October 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 10/23/19

So the books are still missing. The books which contains basically a signed confession of my 20+ years of murder. Yeah, they’re still gone. But I’ve reached a conclusion. There is nothing I can do about it now. Whoever has the books knows the truth and they will do what they want with them and until I find out who it is – and maybe I never will – there is no sense in worrying about it. I can’t worry about it. Fear only causes sleepless nights. Making a life – friends, hobbies, taking care of my family – that will keep me safe until the day comes that it all ends.

I haven’t killed in months. Not even to help Casey. I decided I was okay with continuing in a new city but I haven’t…

I haven’t felt the urge. It’s so strange. I’ve enjoyed teaching and I do miss the feeling but I haven’t needed to kill.

Controlling my addiction was incredibly hard. But I never wanted to quit completely. I spent so long needing to kill. The itch I could never scratch. I had it down to a desire – a want to kill but I decided when and where. But lately, it’s down to a can. A will. I could kill but I don’t.

What if it becomes a won’t?

What if one day I wake up and I don’t want to kill? I can’t bring myself to kill. What will I be then?

Murder is not exactly a job you can quit. It’s barely a job. Do you know how expensive my hardware store runs are? And the gas required to drive to various hardware stores so I don’t get flagged for buying so much equipment. No one would believe I was doing house renovations for 20 years. Although, I am incredibly grateful that when I do go out for supplies, I have to make two stops max because everything in the world is one location nowadays. So thanks Corporate America for making my old job so easy.

I didn’t like typing “old job”. It feels final. I don’t want it to be final and you know what? Screw it, it isn’t final.

I’m going to go kill someone right now. Make it part of my morning jog.

It’s not over yet. No missing diaries or fading urges are going to stop me from doing what I love.

I’m going to show Casey that she’s learning from the best.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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