Wednesday 28 August 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/28/19

I find myself reminiscing today. About the good old days. When I could murder – unhindered by children or husbands or new lives to reshape – and just enjoy it for what it was.

I long for the days when I could go out drinking and let a stranger pick me up and just when they thought they were gonna get lucky, I get lucky and slash their throat. You can’t imagine watching someone desperately try to scream or hold their own expelling blood inside their body. Their legs give out from under them and they try to crawl their way to freedom but even if they make it, they’ll never survive the trip to the hospital. I make sure of it.

Sometimes I get really lucky and their head some very close to decapitation. There is something so satisfying about watching a head fall backwards and bounce off their shoulders as their skin slowly peels away. The human head weighs an average of ten pounds which doesn’t seem like a lot until you imagine ten pounds of bone and brain and blood hanging on to your body by the tiniest piece of flesh. They cling to each other but they can only hold out for so long. Eventually the head will snap and roll away.

I may be projecting a little but it is also a very satisfying visual. I encourage everyone to find a way to witness it. I’m not encouraging everyone to become murderers – let’s face it: some of you are not cut out to be murderers – but maybe someone could hold a viewing of sorts? If I were still killing I’d think about it.

Can you imagine some dystopian society where we all just watch someone die and don’t arrest the killer?

Ooh, projecting again. Point stands.

I’m nostalgic and angry at the world and frustrated with my life at the moment.

Which is the perfect time to reflect on the way things used to be and the way things could be.

This move is a fresh start, I know that. But it’s all tinged with a bit of frustration that this fresh start was forced on me. And who knows how long it’ll last. I’m just waiting for the head to roll.

And I think it’s gonna hurt. If it does fall. It might not. For all I know it could never fall. Maybe I just slit their throat and they’ll bleed to death in the alley with nothing but their desperate attempts at pleading for their life.

One can only hope.

Look, I know I talk about my life and my feelings because I think it’s important to share those things, but sometimes being upset or lost or scared with no solution is really scary and letting it out just makes it worse.

So maybe…I won’t stop sharing my life with you – that’s the whole purpose of this blog – but maybe more solution-based thinking sometimes? Less ranting? I’m not sure. I’m still in the midst of job hunting and house hunting. Casey is enrolled in school and we’ll deal with her proximity to said school later. I’m just eager to get everything settled.

So if you have any ideas, let me know.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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