Wednesday 11 April 2018

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/11/18

You know when you stop thinking about something and then suddenly it pops back into your life and it’s all consuming? This was not that. This was something I had literally buried in the nineties and it’s suddenly resurfaced.

See, I went through this phase for about a year in the mid-1990s where I made “kill-kits” and buried them in the woods outside of town. Then, I would stalk people down hiking trails and lure them to areas where I had all my materials set up. It was a convenient way to make a kill without lugging around my camping gear. Ultimately, it wasn’t worth the risk of carrying around a trunk full of ropes, knives, and tarps once a month.

All my leftover kits were buried in the forest, completely forgotten because why would it matter?

Turns out, it matters because one of my kits was just found by a hiker and now there is a county-wide investigation looking for a potential serial killer.

'Cause fuck me, right?

So far there’s nothing tying me to the kit and there’s genuinely no reason to worry. I just hate things that go wrong when they are within my control. I should have cleaned up after myself. I’m suffering through the consequences as it is: no new kills this week. I just have to live off my really big one last week.

Thursday night, I got into a very minor fender bender – didn’t even scratch the paint (still, got it sent in for a tune up) – but the jerk insisted we pull off onto this abandoned road so he could yell at me. I let him get about three words out before I took out my pepper spray, blinding him. Then I jumped on his back and snapped his neck like a freaking action star. Side note: it is incredibly difficult to snap someone’s neck. It’s not the way it looks in the movies. James taught it to me on one of our first dates. It’s not about twisting the neck, right? It’s about severing the spinal cord with an upward, twisting momentum.

I was incredibly proud; I’ve only been able to do it a couple of times in my life and this was certainly the quickest. It’s nice to know that I can still learn and grow as a killer, even after all these years.

It’s a reminder to everyone: you can always be improving.

That’s how I’m choosing to see this situation. And you should, too. I don’t need any of your judgement, I have my own, thank you.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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