Your Mid-Week Update for 03/25/15

I enjoy being right. I do. It fills me with a great sense of pride. Even when I’m being my pessimistic self and everything is going wrong, at least I was right about it going wrong.

As predicted, the pain killers loosened my tongue and on Wednesday night I let it slip to the kids that their mother really wanted them to go and visit her. Sandra was silent, as predicted, she just stared at me with this uncaring sort of look on her face – it’s unnerving. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: she has missed her calling as a crime boss or a police detective. Jason actually startled me with how quickly he shouted “no” from across the dinner table but I kept my eyes locked on her. She has and always will be the ringleader of the duo and I knew that if anyone could convince Jason, it’d have to be her. Everything was tense and quiet for perhaps a full minute before finally, Sandra looked at James and agreed to go. Jason was none too pleased but one look from his big sister shut him up. But then that girl’s gaze can be unnerving – especially when paired with the phrase “but don’t think this won’t come at a price.” I swear, that girl scares me sometimes. She knows my secrets, one of them anyways, and Jason knows another, and there’s no telling what those two will do if they think they’re getting revenge on me. My sister will protect me from any allegations the kids make but I think it’s time to make changes.

The kids and I used to be so close – we used to be able to tell each other anything including all the gross embarrassing stuff. Sandra came to me the day she got her period. Jason came to me when he was worried about when he’d be ready to have sex with his girlfriend. Yes, they would both kill me if they know I’d just told a bunch of strangers these but that is beside the point. The point is I’m losing my relationship with my kids. They actually agreed to go and see their mother – with very little protesting. I’m worried.

Nonetheless James drove the pair up on Saturday morning and they spent the day there. They didn’t get back until very late and the kids went straight to bed – or at least went straight to their rooms, Jason still isn’t sleeping properly. James told me that he stayed outside the entire time so he had no idea what went on between them. But when the kids came back, they were quiet. He said they didn’t speak during the entire car ride back home. Sunday was like living in a monastery. So silent and still – I had to get out of there.

Luckily my girlfriend picked me up and we went out to a very noisy bar where we watched a (hockey?) game and pretended to pick up guys who were already drunk by late-afternoon. It was so much fun. Whenever I manipulate men it’s always to get something from them (information or an eyeball – the left one, always the left one) but doing it just for fun should be an Olympic sport. Charlotte would definitely win a medal. She had three guys wrapped around her finger with in twenty minutes of sitting at the bar.

I remember when we first met at Daniel’s house, she was so cool and charming but quiet. It was like, the second you got her to open up, she became a completely different person. It’s baffling. I mean I adore new Charlotte, but experience has taught me that people with personality quirks like that have something to hide.

You don’t think…

No.

You know, we didn’t talk about Daniel at all on Sunday. I didn’t even know he was back until Monday morning when he stopped by the house just after the kids left for school to ask how I was feeling. He seemed genuinely concerned. James was there for a little while before he left for work and the three of us had a casually awkward conversation about nothing in particular. As soon as James had left, Daniel kissed my hand and told me he was very glad I wasn’t hurt worse than I was. I swear, he was painfully sincere.

But I didn’t have to think about any of that until Sunday night. Sunday afternoon got to be spent with a good friend in a fun and exciting location – and that was preferable to staying in that mausoleum of a house. For a few hours I forgot about work, and the kids, and the feud, and the bloodlust, and I just got to hang out. I got to spend time with my friend doing something we genuinely enjoy doing without fear of repercussions. I really needed that break.

The kids still haven’t told me what happened on Saturday and I haven’t gotten a chance to go out there and ask my sister. Heather is going on holidays and apparently it’s my job to train her temp. Even though it’s her replacement and I’m not back at the office until Monday. I get to remotely show her our filing system and how to do all the little things Heather supposedly does for me. This should be fun. I’ve got my hands full with frustrating newbies and Jason had another appointment yesterday which left him emotionally drained.

I’m just…I’m tired.

And I know I have no one to blame but myself and Daniel but this unscheduled halt in my life has only made me more restless. I don’t know, maybe I just have to try harder to relax but so far, things haven’t been working out. I guess I just have to push through. Nothing else to do.

Sorry, that was angsty.

I’ll be over here.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/18/15

I’m feeling a little slow and uninspired today; but that is likely because of the copious amounts of pain killers I’m currently on. I have been high as balls the last few days but I’m finally regaining some focus this morning.

See, Friday night, I was driving back from visiting my sister and my car got t-boned on the highway. I’m alright but I broke my leg which means I’m off my feet for a few weeks. The other driver is not okay. Unfortunately the impact from the collision caused me to bash his head in with a tire iron and make it look like he hit his head on the steering wheel. Oops.

That’s right, you heard me. I killed someone for fun this weekend.

It was like the clouds opened and angels sang and there was blood everywhere. I’m serious. It’s like a weight was lifted off my chest. Until I passed out from the pain of several bones sticking out of my leg.

Okay maybe I’m exaggerating but it was still broken and it still hurt.

I’m stuck at home for the next little while which means I have recruited my lovely husband to do some reconnaissance on Daniel’s old friend, whom I am calling Chip. Because he looks like he’d have an asshole name like Chip. He’s actually really nice – based on the conversations I had with him at Daniel’s birthday dinner – I just don’t think people who are entirely good would be friends with a disgraced private investigator who holds a ridiculous grudge against people.  So James is out stalking him when he’s not at work or running interference between me and the kids.

I’m working from home since my office has no elevator or feasible way for me to go up and down three flights of stairs every day which means that I’m there when the kids get home from school. They can’t escape me muahaha. They’re still not talking to me but at least they have to face me. It’s a start.

My sister was none too pleased when I told her that her children still had no desire to see her. I think she understands why but it can’t be easy to be rejected by your own children. I honestly don’t know what to do but I’m sure I’ll end up telling the kids the truth sometime this week. Because that’s just how life goes.

I haven’t seen Daniel since the accident. The conspiracy theorist in my wants to think that he had something to do with the incident but I don’t want to believe it. The guy was drunk driving home from a party, I doubt there’s anything more than that.

Charlotte visited me in the hospital and told me that Daniel had been called away on business – which isn’t helping. She’s visited me every day after she’s done work. All Heather did was send a card. Not that I was expecting much from my secretary but it would have been nice if someone from the office at least acknowledged me. Not that I’ve been very focused on work these past few months. Still.

I’m realizing that I’ve been very single-minded lately and it’s done nothing but pile on the problems in my life. I’m thinking that taking this unscheduled break will be a much needed palate cleanser for the senses. Maybe once the smoke clears I can really…relish the fact that I killed someone this weekend. I have no idea if I’m ready to go back to my full time gig or if this was just a one-time thing but I have quite a lot of thinking to do about my life.

Or.

I could stop thinking about it and just do it.

That’s always a possibility.

In the meantime.

Time for my next dose.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/11/15

Alright. I’m back.

Last week was not my best but I got over it and we’re back. But because I essentially missed last week, there’s a lot going on so please try to keep up.

First of all: Still watching American Horror Story; still madly in love with all these dark ideas. I’m trying to convince James to go down to New Orleans with me but he’s not buying it. I’ve never been to Louisiana, I think it’d be an adventure. Plus all their ritual sacrifices – on the show, probably – is making me a little blood-thirsty. Which brings me to number two.

I’ve picked out my next victim. I know, last week, I was talking about deviating from the plan but I was just being emotional. Yes, I miss the way things used to be and yes, my vendetta against Daniel Westburn sometimes feels aimless and more damning than it’s worth but I know the truth. I’m back on track now. Daniel took away three months of my life and then he kept coming after me, waiting for me to slip up so he could do it again. At the first sign that he would come after my family, I vowed to make sure that he couldn’t. 

Killing the people in his life that are even remotely close to him keeps me in power but it also makes me vulnerable. And I took it too far. Jason catching the two of us together was beyond horrible. It put Daniel back in the driver seat while driving a wedge between me and my children – one that hasn’t been there in a long time.

Daniel Westburn has effectively ruined my life. And so I’m going to ruin his. Unfortunately I’m practically in love with his wife so I can’t do anything to hurt her. But he has other family members. Other people in his inner circle. Killing one of his co-workers would be bad. I’d get a whole team of former police and military officers after me and that is exhausting. I remember this one time years ago when I set a marine on fire. The smell would not come out of my clothes and it was on the news for months. I tell you, it’s rarely worth it – and besides, those guys go through enough, we really should give them a break unless they really deserve it. No one is entirely exempt from the laws of society.

Says the serial killer.

In any case, I can’t kill one of his co-workers just yet and I’m saving the family relations until much later. And then I remembered Daniel’s birthday dinner. In college, he had the same roommate through most of his time there and the two became quite close but since drifted apart after graduation. Now they meet occasionally for coffee or to go golfing – or whatever men do at that age.

Killing Ronny the Roommate won’t halt Daniel’s world, but it’ll certainly make him think twice about who he brings into his home.

I have some spying to do.

Speaking of spying.

Daniel is back to simply stalking me and nothing more. I think he’s biding his time. No way would he let this opportunity pass to get back at me. He’s much too rational for that. On Monday, I decided to make a preemptive strike: I went and complained to his wife. Charlotte and I went to dinner – our girl’s nights are becoming quite frequent, I think she’s going to ask me to go steady – and I casually mentioned that Daniel hasn’t been actively working on my case lately and I worry that my money is going to waste. She promised she would speak to him about spending more time with me.

So far, he hasn’t. But I did get a lovely little glare from him on Tuesday morning as I was leaving for work. I never thought I’d actually complain that someone wasn’t stalking me but such is the life we lead.

At least I’ve managed to bring a little bit of the power back over to the right side. Even James was getting worried – though he’s been worried about a lot lately. His hours at work are starting to even out a little – apparently there’s been a lull in crime since I took up my crusade – which means that he’s home for more evenings. Which, of course, means that he gets to spend time with the kids, trying to figure out how to convince them to visit their mother in prison.

Oh no, I have not forgotten about the deal I made with my sister. She knows it’ll take time for her children to come around and she’s willing to wait but I don’t want to make her wait for any longer than necessary. She’s been through so much already. I haven’t even told Sandra yet. In all honesty, I just don’t have the words. I can’t convince her to go see a mother she hates when I wouldn’t do the same. This is why I have James. Even if he has been a little distant lately. I wonder if the stress of Daniel is getting to him. It can’t be my secret. He’s kept it too long, he’s too invested. It has to be Daniel.

Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

I am not paranoid about the fact that my children hate me. I get nothing but the cold shoulder from both of them. I’m used to that from Sandra but Jason breaks my heart a little. And it’s all Daniel’s fault. I would never cheat on James – without his permission, I wouldn’t have done anything – but because of that man, my son thinks I’m a cheater. He looks at me differently. Sandra and I have always had a very…particular relationship. You know that I love the little brat but she knows my secret and she’s mad at me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about what she’ll do if I push her over the edge.

Telling her about her mother will definitely push her over the edge.

She hasn’t told Jason yet which means I’m safe for now. It’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him. He’s getting a small weekly allowance from me which, so far, is keeping him quiet but his first appointment with the psychologist is on Saturday and I don’t know what kind of emotional state he’ll be in.

See, the problem with doing these updates on a Wednesday is that nothing interesting happens on a Wednesday. Really, Wednesdays have become my time to stew on all the things going wrong that week. At least I have some goals this week:

                Get Daniel to talk to me,

                Kill (or at least stalk) Ronny the Roommate,

                Start reconnecting with James, and

                Try not to worry too much about Jason.

He’s growing up, I can’t protect him forever. Both of them aren’t going to be children for much longer – not that they had much of a childhood. What’s going to happen after they graduate? I know Sandra plans to be a research analyst but I’ve heard no talk of any post-secondary options. I know Jason is good with computers but that’s all I really know. They’re both going to be moving out and getting on with their lives, carrying the family secrets with them. What will happen then?

Okay, I can’t be worried about this right now. I have to go to work. Tax season sucks.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/04/15

Well…shit’s still a mess. Your children hate you, your sister’s still in jail, and your stalker has gone back to stalking you instead of tonguing you in the hall closet. What are you gonna do?

Watch TV.

Apparently.

I started watching American Horror Story over the weekend. I can’t believe I didn’t start earlier. I didn’t have to go anywhere – it’s not like I have any murdering of my own to do – so I got through the first season and half of the second season. It’s awesome.

Are any of my readers out there watching it? I’d love to talk about it.

It definitely rekindled the little spark of homicidal rage I had buried inside. Maybe I should just ignore Daniel’s return to a professional relationship and kill his wife.

No, I really do like Charlotte. And she’s the only one who would go to 50 Shades of Grey with me so we could through popcorn at the patrons who enjoyed it. It’s a stupid ass movie and we didn’t even get to see Jamie Dornan’s dick.

But I’m thinking I should just forgo the caution and the revenge and just…go back to murder.

If Daniel had enough to arrest me or had any really desire to, he’d have done so by now. He’s just trying to intimidate me, I see that now. I should just kill. I should just…

God damn mother fucking shit

Sorry, sorry.

This is all just a little overwhelming. I shouldn’t be making hasty decisions right now.

I should just go to work, ignore Heather, and focus on one problem at a time.

Sorry I don’t have a lot of things to say this week, dear readers, everything is still sort of…up in the 

air. Hopefully things will be better next week.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/25/15

So…some things have happened this week. I don’t just have quiet weeks anymore, do I? I should probably stop fucking things up. But in any case.

It started out innocently enough; I spent Saturday with Charlotte and we had a lovely time. I am always sincere in that, she really is such a sweet woman. Horribly filthy sense of humor but sweet.

We went out for brunch and then we went window shopping because neither of us are actually that interested in shopping when we don’t need anything. I know, crazy. Me: not fitting into a stereotype. Then, we had a late lunch and walked around downtown for a bit, just talking. Sometimes not talking. We just enjoyed each other’s company. Gay!

Oh my god, did I just bully myself?

Anyways…

We were walking around when we noticed a poster for some independent play performing across the street. So we walked in. I didn’t think people did that after 25 – just do things on a whim – but we did. It was a terrible play but we had a fantastic time and we made plans to go out again later.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think I have a new girlfriend.

That was the good part of my weekend.

First thing Sunday morning – I’m still in my pajamas – and who should bang on my door but Daniel Fucking Westburn. I was actually glad to see him. If he was this mad that I was just spending time with his wife, then I was really getting under his skin. That means that he’s not paying attention to me. I’m free to kill as I please.

Yes, I realize I haven’t actually been killing as I please but I think once I really establish a relationship with both of the Westburns, I’ll be set to start up again. I haven’t killed for fun in such a long time, I hope the rules haven’t changed.

On any other day I would have been very happy to see Daniel but James was still at work and I answered the door in my pajamas. He stormed in, cussing me out about “corrupting his wife” – to which I promptly asked how he thought I’d corrupted his wife. He was so red it was precious. One thing led to another and he pushed me against the closet door and we kissed. Quite forcefully, he’s getting better. He grabbed my breast, he started to lift my nightgown – because I’m old school like that – and then I hear:

“What the fuck, mom?”

Yup.

Fuck.

Jason came down and saw us. And he was not happy with me. There was a lot of yelling, he really put me in my place – if the situation were real. I would never cheat on James. Please don’t mistake what we’re doing now for cheating. We’ve made a tactical decision as a couple and I stand by it.

But Jason didn’t know that. And he was pissed. I suppose I should take that as a good sign. He and James are not always on the best terms but now, I think I’ve officially put them on the same side.

So there’s that.

Neither of the kids talked to me for the rest of the day so that answers the question of whether or not Jason told Sandra. James knows the entire situation but he’s agreed to feign ignorance which turned out to be a good idea.

Last night, Jason came to me and told me that after a lot of thinking, he’s decided to forgive me. Not only that but he promised not to tell James what I’d done.

Provided he receive an “allowance” every week to spend as he chooses.

The little fucker.

I’m somewhere between proud, worried, and pissed off. But I’ve agreed to his terms mostly because it’s a lot easier than telling him the truth.

I haven’t even figured out how I’m going to convince Sandra to visit her mother but this is definitely not helping my cause. I’ve got James working on a solution, there are other things to worry about. Like my blackmailing son. And what Daniel is going to do with this situation we’re in.

Like I said: fucking things up royally is the name of the game.

I could really use a knife right about now. Just for fun.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/18/15

So.

Visited my sister on Sunday.

That was an adventure.

I’ve only visited my sister a handful of times since she’s been incarcerated and one of those times was the guardianship hearing where I got custody of her children. Our relationship has been kind of…rocky these last few years but we’re still sisters. We’ve learned to bury the hatchet, literally. Once. Either way we still share a lot of the same interests and passions; we would still do basically anything for each other. That part will never change.

I miss my sister. She was the best part of my family and I miss spending time with her. I know I should visit her more often but it’s not easy to see her like that. She’s gotten thinner, paler. She has more muscles, though, and she seemed calmer. I’m glad she’s fitting in. That’s all a girl can ask for when spending nine years in a women’s prison. I’ve been thinking about watching Orange is the New Black so I can compare it to what actually goes on.

On second thought, I’d better not. You remember what happened when I watched Dexter.

Never again.

Anyways, I went to see her, we exchanged awkward pleasantries, and then we just laughed.

I know that seems crazy but we used to do it all the time. Whenever we were having a bad day and our parents were less than understanding, we could just look at each other and laugh.

God, I miss her so much sometimes. I don’t condone all of her actions but I love her and I had to tell her the truth. I told her what our mother did – how she’s the one who sent the “anonymous tip”.

My sister, she knew. She knew that our mother sent her to prison but she said nothing to me. Not that it would have been any better coming from her but we’re supposed to tell each other everything. That was the deal we made. We don’t cut corners. We keep each other safe.

Obviously I failed in that but I’m here for her now.

But first, we deal with my business.

I asked her to kill Daniel’s cousin and she agreed. I knew she would but it’s still nice.

But first, she wants something in return. Payment for risking her freedom. I saw no reason not to agree until she told me what she wanted.

I rarely come to see my sister but Sandra and Jason: they’ve never visited their mother in prison. A lot of it is Sandra influencing her brother. She blames her mother for abandoning them and she has yet to let it go. Not that I’m one to talk about mother-grudges but it’s meant that my sister hasn’t spoken to her children in nearly five years and she wants to see them just once. That’s what she wants from me: for Sandra and Jason to come and visit her.

I don’t know why I said yes. I have many skills but completing the impossible is not one of them.

Sandra will not go. I’ve asked her many times before and her answer has always been a resounding “no” – with a few choice words thrown in for effect. If Sandra goes then Jason will go but I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. I haven’t told the kids yet but I’ll have to soon.

Regardless of what happens next, I’m glad I went to see my sister. It just makes me think about how I would have turned out if I didn’t have her. What would have happened if she were there over the summer when I was struggling? Not that James and the kids weren’t enough but…maybe they weren’t. Maybe things wouldn’t have gone that far if I had someone else to keep me stable.

Crazy things that pop through my head when I’m not killing people. Scary, right?

Anyways, if you have any suggestions on how to break the news to the kids then please let me know, I’m at a total loss.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

P.S. I know I’m a few days late but I know you sometimes read my blog so: Happy Birthday, Sis. I’ll figure it out. 

Cover Reveal for Sacrifice of Greatest Price (Between #4)

Ahh! It's the title and cover reveal of Between #4. If you've been following my blog you know my love for this series and author Cyndi Tefft knows no bounds. As this series comes to a conclusion, I am delighted and sad to see Cyndi finish the last chapter in the lives of Lindsay and Aiden.

Check out the Aiden's Angels Blog if you're interested in knowing more about this series but for now, check out this awesome cover!

Three in one, forward and back

Here and gone, to deepest black

Silver blooms, swollen with child

Birth crimson globes, untethered wild

Life meets death where the sun meets the sea

Blood sacrifice, for you and for me.

It has all come down to this.

A prophecy, passed down through generations of MacRaes, tells of a blood sacrifice. A simple stone placed in an ancient dagger unleashes an army of hell transporters with glowing red eyes who have now come to exact that price.

In the epic finale of the Between series, Aiden and Lindsey will be tested in ways they could never have imagined. Visions of the past, from thousands of years ago when the Broch of Gurness in Orkney was whole, provide more questions than answers. But every secret will be revealed as the MacKinnons and MacRaes join forces to fight a battle they cannot hope to win.

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/11/15

I think I would look awesome with a regal cane. Plus it’d be really fun to bash people’s heads in. I think my urges are coming back.

I’ve been thinking about murder a lot lately. Ever since my last update, actually. Sometimes I look back on the last year of my life and I miss the way it used to be. Life before Daniel, before that woman, before I got careless.

I concede just this once to my own failings I got cocky and it cost me three months of my life. I think, back when it happened…I wasn’t thinking. I was just killing. Which is fun, but I could have been caught. I prided myself on being nonchalant with my murders but I hit too close to home – or work, as it were. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’m more cautious and I’m trying to be more patient. But the urges are still there. I can feel them gnawing at the nape of my neck.

Sometimes on a whim, I can feel a pulse; it’s the cravings. I quit killing out of necessity not desire and my subconscious will not let it go. I haven’t told Dr. Owlface or even James because I am getting better. I am learning to control the urges and to take my time. The last thing I need is to make Daniel suspicious.

Not that he’s paying much attention to my extra-curricular activities at the moment. He’s still avoiding me after Kiss #2 and I would find it adorable if I wasn’t so pissed off with him.

Guess who sent an anonymous tip to the police suggesting that I knew the poor mechanic I killed last week. I had to go down – before calling James – and speak to a detective regarding my relationship with the deceased. It was easy enough to prove my innocence and the arrival of my police officer husband did not hurt my reputation. But it was still a hit below the belt and for that, he pays.

Daniel knows that this means war; at least he will soon.

When James was doing his background check, we discovered that he has a cousin – it’s always a cousin – who is spending some time in prison. The same prison my sister is currently occupying.

Guess who’s going to have a little family reunion?

Oh and the thing I said about controlling my urges? Maybe it’s time to let loose a little. Just enough to stop the gnawing. Quiet the demons.

It might be fun. Until that time, however, I get to sit and worry. I especially get to worry about Jason’s appointment next month. The one that will tell us whether or not I need to pick up more parenting books on the way home.

You know, when the kids first came to live with me, I bought 12 books on how to communicate with your teenager, and how to be your child’s best friend. It all turned out to be bullshit but I remember being in this constant state of panic for at least the first year before we settled into our family unit as sparse and restless as it is.

I hate feeling like that again.

It’s just a new situation and you know I hate what I can’t control things at least by some measure. All 

I can do now is wait.

Lord have mercy.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

My Review of 18 Things

In celebration of the 18 Thoughts release two weeks ago (and the blog tour hosted by Curiosity Quills), I will be reviewing the first book in the series: 18 Things. 

Almost two years ago (exactly), I talked about the release of 18 Things and I wrote down my own bucket list (which can be found here) and now after reading this book, I’m inspired to take a look at the things I want to do, not just “someday” but in the reachable future. But now, we talk about this books and fabulousness of it.

Can eighteen things save a life? Olga Gay Worontzoff thinks her biggest problems are an awful name (after her grandmothers of course) and not attending prom with Conner, her best friend and secret crush since kindergarten. Then Conner is killed in a freak accident and Olga feels responsible. The sarcastic, nerdy girl who never missed a day of school is suddenly lost and unable to deal with the emotional pain. When she downs an entire bottle of pain pills, her parents force her into counseling. There, her therapist writes a prescription in the form of a life list titled 18 Things. Eighteen quests to complete the year of her eighteenth birthday.

Olga enlists the help of her friends and becomes a catalyst for healing in their own lives as they eagerly offer suggestions. All she has to do is fire-walk, try out for the cheerleading squad, break a world record, and err . . . go on her first date. Good thing Nate, a new hottie in town, enters her life with perfect timing. He brings the fun factor to her list and helps her discover the beauty and strength inside herself, then complicates things by falling in love with her. Maybe it’s time to put into practice the lessons her list has taught her. 

Your Mid-Week Update for 02/04/15

I’ve never killed a man with a nail file. I was thinking about that the other day. I mean I’ve maimed and murdered with every other tool in my arsenal but not, what has to be, the most obvious one. Twenty years.

That just seems crazy to me.

But who am I to talk about crazy, right?

You would think it was a lady’s second weapon of choice – after poison which is so obviously the stereotype of all murderesses. Oh look at me, I’m a woman, I’m so dainty. I can’t get my hands dirty so I have better slip rat poison into the soup.

While poison is fun, it is by no means the only way for a woman to kill someone. Like men, everyone has their kinks and quirks. Everyone has their preferences and murder should not be limited by gender. If they want to slaughter someone with a chainsaw then that is their right.

FREEDOM FOR THE OPPRESSED!

…

I was talking about nail files.

In my twenty years of serial murder I have never, to my recollection, took someone’s life with a nail file. Which is a damn shame because those things are fun to poke people’s internal organs with.

That’s right. That’s Victim Number Three since I went on hiatus – and it’s only been two weeks, this time. I’m getting better. Having a focus – torturing Daniel – has really helped. I knew Dr. Owlface wasn’t a total crockpot. Which reminds me, I need to reschedule my appointment.

Anyways…focus!

I focused on who was in Daniel’s circle, but far enough removed that he wouldn’t be immediately implicated – I’m saving that for later in the game.

His mechanic.

You wanna talk about stereotypes. Plumber’s crack, dirty mustache, wife beater in the middle of winter – granted we haven’t had as cold a winter as we usually do. He asked in no uncertain terms if I was lookin’ for a “tune up?” I almost gagged on the smell of axe and grease.

Regardless of his appearance, Daniel seems to swear by the man when it comes to his car. I will admit that he did a very good job of fixing my own vehicle while making obvious car-related sex jokes. He knows his cars, I’ll give him that.

I had the decency to pay him before I killed him. See? I’m the serial killer with heart. Well…a heart.

Anyways, I had a whole arsenal of weapons at my disposal in the garage but instead I dug into my purse – call it a gut instinct, ha! – and stabbed him with this gorgeous crystal nail file. I hated to dull the edge but I got to take my rage out on the Mario lookalike since one strike just wasn’t enough.

So now he’s dead, I’m satisfied, and Daniel is pissed off. He stormed up to my front door yesterday as I was leaving for work. He was purple and fuming like the hilarious little eggplant he is. Said he went to take his car into the shop only to find police tape all around it. What the fuck was my problem? He thinks I’m trying to isolate him.

I told him he was absolutely right. He’s all mine.

We kissed for the first time since his birthday dinner. He hasn’t improved. He pushed me up against the door and while I love a little aggression now and then, he was all teeth and tongue and his face was still splotchy and purple. And then when he pulled back, he hit my head against the door. Bastard. I probably have a bruise.

James was pissed off when he came downstairs to find me swaying on my feet, dizzy from that damn door. When I told him about the exchange, he was mad as hell. I thought he would go after Daniel but instead we made out on the kitchen counter until the kids came downstairs. I swear, I started by assuring him that I was feeling better…and then I showed him that I was feeling better. It’s a thing.

It was really nice, actually. We haven’t done a lot of that stuff in a while. Either we’re busy or just not in the mood to really act like randy teenagers. And we did promise that we’d tone it down when we know there are others in the house.

We are horrible role models for parenthood – which is why we are still never having children of our own.

I would like to think that we’re a good role model for what a good relationship is. Maybe. A little. For who we are: we make a great couple. And I think that counts for something.

It doesn’t hurt that we’re both smoking hot in each other’s eyes and are still insanely in love after seven years and two teenagers. Plus my mother. I know our anniversary is a few months away, and I don’t like to celebrate the consumerist holiday known as Saint Valentine’s Day, but maybe I’ll do something nice for my husband tonight.

Assuming he doesn’t end up taking a late shift for the fifth time in two weeks. I always forget that winter is hard on the police. I know my few extra murders can’t be helping but everything is so much darker in the winter (and I’m not just speaking in a literal sense).

To my local police force, I salute you.

To everyone else, you know what I’m going to say.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe