Wednesday, 20 October 2021

Your Midweek Update for 10/20/21

 Sometimes I fantasize about being a murder couple. The kind who feed off one another's urges until there's nothing but madness between us. There's something so incredibly erotic about existing in the darkness with another person who sees you completely and loves every twisted part of you. Not just loves you but thrives off knowing you're being satisfied by someone else. Participating and watching and pushing to make sure you're getting what you need. 

I don't know how else to explain it: killing together is so fucking sexy.

It's the ultimate expression of trust. To show yourself and to see someone in a way that you both know is wrong but with each other, you can be open and vulnerable knowing they love you completely. It's sexy. 

That's it. That's the only word I've got for it. 

Sexy. 

Of course, I've thought about inviting James fully into my world, but I know it's not for him. He has his own brand of madness and I love him as he is. And we've played with our food together plenty of times, I'm not worried about being vulnerable around him.

I admit, I enjoy relinquishing that small semblance of control when we're together. Letting him choose the victim, following his instructions when it comes to torture and dismemberment, feeling his eyes on me as I slowly sink my knife into another man's flesh - knowing it satisfies him to know I'm satisfied. Even if we aren't participating in the same way, we are sharing this dark and intimate thing. How can I complain?

Besides, the madness of two always ends in tragedy. Our insanity is beautiful because it's complimentary. If we were the same, I know we would end up hating each other - or the world - and then the romance would be over. 

And I never want this dance to stop. Not with him. Not ever.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Monday, 18 October 2021

Excerpt of The Horror Film Killer by Michael J Bowler

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the THE HORROR FILM KILLER by Michael J. Bowler Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

Wednesday, 13 October 2021

Your Midweek Update for 10/13/21

 It's off, it's off, thank fucking christ it's finally off!

That's all I've been able to think about for days (in case you hadn't noticed). I just want my freedom back. I've been injured a few times over the years and every time, I am absolutely miserable because I just need my fucking freedom. 

I hate feeling helpless and these weeks when I'm in a cast and immobile and the pain meds have me so lethargic I fall into a depression, it's feels pretty helpless. 

Thank god for my husband or I wouldn't have been killing either. Six weeks without murder, can you imagine? I think even when I was going through rehab, I was only out of commission for four weeks at the most. Maybe I'm misremembering my time in a mental institution overcoming my addiction and psychosis related to murder. 

Either way, I have been clawing the fucking walls off, waiting for the all-clear from the doctor and now it's finally here.

Well... sort of.

The cast is off, which means I'm able to move around more independently, but I still have a few weeks of physiotherapy so I can rebuild the muscle. So I'm back! ... but it's a soft back. Which is okay because I have spent six weeks having my husband basically bring me drive-thru murders and I am so ready dine out again. Even if it's just sitting inside the McDonalds instead of in our car in the parking lot.

This metaphor has gotten away from me a bit. 

The point is: my cast is off and I'm happy about it. Is it the answer to all of my problems? No. Is it enough for now? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Am I swearing too much today? I'm going to blame Linda in HR. She swears like a fucking trucker and it's definitely rubbing off on me.

...

As is her filthy sense of humor.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Monday, 11 October 2021

Excerpt of The Fortuna Coin by Karen Ann Hopkins

I am thrilled to be hosting a spot on the THE FORTUNA COIN by Karen Ann Hopkins Blog Tour hosted by Rockstar Book Tours. Check out my post and make sure to enter the giveaway!

Wednesday, 6 October 2021

Your Midweek Update for 10/06/21

Sometimes it’s hard to write. That should seem obvious but this platform is for me to talk about my experiences so I’ll share them here. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I just don’t want to write. Sometimes I don’t want to do anything at all. Sometimes it feels like there’s so much going on in my head that I’m weighed down by it. And I’m just… I’m so tired.

These last few days have been really hard. Not for any particular reason. I’m just tired. But I can’t rest because it’s fucking Wednesday and the days are moving so slowly and yet, I have no idea where the time’s gone.

I hate these pain meds, by the way. If I haven’t said twelve thousand times already. I feel like shit all the time. But I also can’t feel the bones in my knee fusing back together so I guess there’s that.

Fuck.

Words are really fucking hard right now and so much of my life is just words. That’s all we are: just stories and other people’s words and trying to put words to our feelings and experiences. But sometimes there are no words and you’re just stuck as this concept of a person with no control over your own existence. You’re just going through the motions without any realization of who and what you are. You’re completely powerless. All because you’re too tired to find the words. So then what are you if you have no words?

God, I hate these fucking pain meds.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe